We almost had it all..

The sweet moments of others, 

keep reminds me of us.

We really almost had it all..

Bus ticket - 25 Oct 2008

Found this while doing housekeeping.
Don't know if you remember..that year, your birthday. You were in Melaka, and I decided to go celebrate with you - as a friend then?

At the end, God knows what happened.. the bus ticket was not utilize.
It is never gonna be used anymore, but the heart will always be remembered..

曾经爱过

我是有血有肉的人, 是温暖的
说忘了就真的放了, 听到的人会知道我在说谎
需要时间
我没有恨, 因为真的不是我
因为恨, 很累

我尽可能的让自己忙
忙得 我没时间去伤心

谢谢 那些一直不断提醒我
向前走的 家人 朋友

晚上睡前想你吗? 想
睡醒第一个在我脑袋里恍的是谁? 你
发生了什么有趣事, 第一个想分享的是谁? 你

但是 放过你
也 放过自己
我只能 不断的告诉自己
我曾经 爱过

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

我們想抓住的東西太多，抓住了就捨不得放下。你能擁有的畢竟是有限的，你放不下這，就必定要捨棄那。放棄，並不代表你軟弱，它是一種智慧，讓你洞察人生萬相，有足夠放下的勇氣。

我們提升生命的質量，不在於你活了多久，抓住了多少，而是你把握了多少精彩瞬間，放棄了多少不屬於你的東西。

I have been a little evil-ish today..
Cheeky, you call it =p

So many items on my To-Do-list

Was feeling ill today, went sleeping instead of going out for business.
It's always great having a person texting you, knowing there is a person there while you wake up ^_^

Below is my to-do-list, that needs to be done before year end..
1. To collect items back from LeeMei
2. To visit/give a call to my vendor in Kuchai Lama
3. To register my company with SSM
4. To visit dentist
5. To clean the mess I created at home (^_^メ)
6. Sending a gift that has been prepared for Aunty
7. Sending the "supposingly given out already" Angels for Aili (+_+)
8. Dye my hair - new look for new year (^0^)/

Fainted.. how to finish all in time leh..?

I want go sing K!
No one go out with me, and so I sing at home.

I youtube, and started with this..

曲婉婷 - 我的歌声里

But my brother said, "Nono, you shouldn't be listening this"
And he typed this..

伤心的人别听慢歌

High 起来了！ Yeah！

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

一些該拿起的要拿起，一些該捨棄的要捨棄，
讓該結束的結束，該開始的才能開始

One memorable night

The moments before drunken..for the first time in life.

Some really cute colleagues.。

   

I am in love with Maxi Dress <3

Good nite love.

能睡得好，吃得饱，就是我现在最大的幸福了！

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

每晚睡前，原諒所有的人和事。閉上眼睛，清理你的心，過去的就讓它過去吧。無論今天發生多麼糟糕的事，都不應該感到悲傷。一輩子不長，用心甘情願的態度，過隨遇而安的生活。 

Merry Christmas

For the past 26 years of Christmas, I never had Christmas wishlist neither do I have a Birthday gift list. I believe that "More will come when we feel gratitude about life", hence why I never ask for things.

I have lose the belief before.
But now, I am holding onto it strongly.

Having said that, this year's Christmas I do wish to ask for a little more.
So, here it goes..

1. More laughters in the family, even during our downtimes. Being really thankful that we have been like that always. Just like this morning, all ambushed into my room and laughed at me of how I have been drunk. Thank GOD for loving me so much.

2. To help more people, so first I have got to help myself. To love myself, and not to do things that would hurt the little soul anymore. Sometimes downtimes are unavoidable, BUT I will continue to walk up :)
A friend said "Pain makes a person stronger. Congratz you are one level up now :)"
Good to have friends around for sure!

There are some items I wanted to get for myself too.. Hehe ^^

3. Panasonic NanoE Hair Dryer - EHNA30

I have never take good care of my hair, even blowing my hair is something redundant to me. 

Taking the first step treat myself better :)

4. Bungalow No. 9 Diffuser

This is the scent I am having now. Will hunt for a different ones for the new year :)

5. iPad mini

This is gonna comes in handy if I wanna show others my Swarovski Elements creations :)

Thank you for those who have walk with me along the path of hard times.
I am a strong girl, and I know I can handle it.

Merry Xmas! Ho Ho Ho!!

心情不好時，要經常問自己，你有什麼而不是沒有什麼。如果你覺得不爽，你就抬眼望窗外，世界很大，風景很美，機會很多，人生很短，不要蜷縮在一小塊陰影裡。

如果你的生活已處於低谷，那就，大膽走，因為你怎樣走都是在向上

Drunk

First time ever, I was so drunk.

I remember I cried extremely bad - non stop.
I vomited - in the office and on the way home.
I can't drive myself home.
I fell down from the chair, and still crying.
Hugged by Evelyn - the mama who keep telling me everything will be alright.

First thing I woke up.
I think of you.
Can't help it but just miss you so much.
Hence I called you.
No pick up. 
Call again and again.

I know you have had told her that you're home safe.
I know I'm no longer the person you would inform if you are out anymore.

And what I got is "You called just to ask me this?" - damn! why did I call you again?
After hung up, was thinking - you didn't even bother how have I been yesterday, why am I still calling you? I already mentioned I needed rescue. There wasn't a call or a text thereafter.

No more no more!
Searching for the Exit sign..

忘不记 Unforgettable

真的断不了乜？
别whatsapp人了
这么难做到吗？

还是很想关心你
纵使到最后
我知道 有另一个人
更能接近你

到你家里去
而你也不会去拒绝
伤害 就是这样开始的
因为 没有拒绝

每一次 text 你
到最后 都是伤害了自己
因为 我要不就是发现
她是 你最后一个msg的人
要不就发现
你俩最后 见面了

痛得不能自己

真心想你好

Cheese and Chocolate 

Always my favourite <3

跟你说了，她是那么的适合你了
是该放手了 放掉我
别再回头了

我真心真心想你好

没有想要再纠缠
我会记得 
我曾经 真的爱过

其实 我看到了 
你提起她时 眼里那闪烁
我想像着 你们之间那快乐
然后 想像着 你快乐的笑着
那就够了

别让她受伤了
让一切的痛 在我这儿停止
她曾经 那么的受伤过
不能 再伤了

我？ 我总是坚强得 让人心疼
不是吗？

我都是 先想了 别人 再想自己
不是吗？

这就是我 啊…

因为这样 老天爷 会厚待我的


喝茶只需兩個動作 —— 拿起和放下。

人生亦如喝茶，雖看著繁雜，其實又何嘗不似如此簡單？
有些事何必糾結於心？有些人何必糾纏不清？

很多時候，看淡一些，看輕一些，
世事原本可以像喝茶一樣，不過拿起和放下罷了。

记得一定要幸福

这是对我的最大回报

努力加油篇

辞职了一个星期
过了 充实的一个星期
答应自己要做的
发生的 有一点很快
很专注
Facebook.Instagram.Gmail.Business Mobile No.
Sticker for the Brand - Beads of Joy
Will go register the name by this week too

All are in my mind
I just need to get it done

Still thinking of you
and I do know things are happening well on your side

心 失去了重心
无时无刻 还是想起你
但我清楚知道 你心已不属于我

大概 以下这一篇会是最写实的吧？

忍痛離開的人瀟灑，賴死不走的人，是另一種執著。

可是，終有一天，當你累了，你會發現，你執著的愛，早就面貌全非，已經不是當天的愛，對方也不是當天的那個人了。

你執著的不過是回憶與幻影。

賴死不走的痴心與執拗，到頭來只會苦了自己。

我們嚮往瀟灑，只因為做不到瀟灑。

我知道你身边 有她
你会有爱 你会快乐
我是这么想 来安慰自己的
她 现在自己一个人
更需要人呵护
三个人 继续痛苦
倒不如 一个人熬过去

所以我给予你们 我最大的祝福

我会努力
努力的爱自己
尽量开怀大笑

其实 我也很渴望 爱情
希望 被人疼
时时刻刻有个人 在身边
叮咛我 教训我 带点爱的骂着我
只是 这一次
我又必须 stand on my own feet again

有时候 还是忍不住问了
为什么 那时的你不狠心点
那样 我不会这么痛
妈咪还是坚持那一句
祝福别人

Tiring.

Dear bloggie,

I am real tired. Mentally and physically.
Of all the things.
I've resigned today.

Will get a good rest.
Tmr will be a better day =D

Counting down - A little more than 48 hours

Went movie earlier..
Thought we would go for dinner first, as what we have communicated earlier.
He was late. I was thinking negatively again =(
I don't want to ask, he doesn't like it.
But obviously I failed, it was all over my face..

I can feel that he has so many of non-satisfaction over me..
He could not smile when he is with me.
He tried to tell me things happen in his office.
I smiled, but I am so tired...both mentally and physically.

Movie was good..it was about a story of 3 best friends.
I cried very badly..
Partly because the tearing triggered some not very good memories..
Wipe it off, continue to walk forward Joyce..

I saw her calling him..
Initially I was tired but no more because my heart was pumping fast again.
I can't recall what went through my mind then, but the feeling wasn't pleasant.
I hope you could say a little more to calm my anxious heart, and not being angry over my paranoia. I know I can't seem to be able to handle it, but you can calm me down dear..
Just that probably you are tired of having to calm me everytime already..

So, now I have to stand on my feet and be my own happiness.

To laugh over my days~

All the way from KL to Melaka..the trip took a little longer than usual.
I do hope things could stay like that for a little longer..

I enjoy your companionship.

Love you.

Need you.

Want you.

Just hope your heart could be here a little more =)

3 more days..

Only left 3 more days..
We are going Melaka tomorrow together, yay!

So far things are alright now..
We have not met for the past three 3days, whatsapp-ing has been good.

Somehow, I thought I should be thankful to her. It seems dear is treating me a little better =)

I am still a little paranoid. But all are good..
I want to focus on the positive.

Nope, not saying it.
And I believe dear would be able to sense it from her even if I don't tell..

Thank you my dear blog.. thank you for being here so I could at least express myself freely.
He sleeps pretty late yesterday.. I can't help but to think that he was chatting with her, even when he said it is Song and Min Chunn. But trusting him is better, it helps me feel better.

How? *breath in..breath out..

The last few days

The whole morning the experience of you not loving me anymore but dragging me along for the past half a year is painful.. I wonder why I did not call it a stop yesterday.

The images of you being nice to her keep floating in my mind. This morning, the stupid mind is telling me that Kevin Saw bought the Durian Mooncake not only for myself but for her too..

I feel like smacking myself very very badly.

I didn't want to stop.

Somehow, I still can't help but want to have you in my life. 

You seem to be able to calm me.

You asked me to divert my attention to some other things.

You called me, and I released my fear with tears.

I am trying my very best to keep her out of our life - at least of mine.

I wanted to question you so much, but I did not.

Why did you start it?

Why wanna destroy my days with dear?

I want to just trust him with what he says..
Why you come disturb?

Dear questioned me yesterday, I didn't want to tell.
What you want me to tell?
Will you even trust me?
You both are still gonna see each other for like..the rest of your life. And if I tell, will it affect his emotions in the office?
And, what if she is pregnant and you both will meet, not only in the office but at home too.
I will keep it this time. Keeping it for his good.
Not that I haven't done that before.
Maybe it was me who think too much again, maybe it won't affect him at all.
As it is not gonna bother him anymore if I got hurt or not.
Life still goes on even I was hurt right.
It serves me right, for has done it wrong.
He doesn't have to live my life.

I don't want anything else now, but just to spend the last few days with dear.

HAPPILY *fingers crossed

Please, GOD, just grant me this wish.
It is a simple ones right?

I've gone a little crazy and berserk

The pain has reached to the peak..
After the incident last night.
Why let me know?

The nightmare in the morning..
"I was driving into a parking lot, suddenly the lights are all off.. I don't know if I should exit. By the time I wanted to get out, there's no way out alr.. gates are down. And there's a person standing out there laughing at me.."

I forced myself to open my eyes, but I could still hear the laughing; so loud.
Its terrifying, heart was pumping fast.
I can't get back to sleep..
I texted you. No reply..
I should've know..

Even that night, I'm there sleeping next to you.. I shake you, I wasn't being bothered.

I can't believe I have love you that much..
It was a little scary..
Of how it has affected me..
The whole morning I was thinking if I should stop it already, should we continue with Genting or Melaka? I feel like going to see Master. Scariest part is, I start searching MAS for Taiwan tickets again.

Pain, feels like crying the whole day.
How could a person hurt another person like this?
And I can't help but to blame myself for going through the pain again and again..

I don't feel like eating..
I feel like puking..

Enough, Joyce Wong!
Delete it. Delete it. Delete it.

It has come to a point where I know the only thing I could do now is to love myself.
Let myself happy...

六到十二个月

六到十二个月, 知道你需要时间
可是你都没问过我
六到十二个月没联络
你觉得 我还有能力
去信任你吗?
这段没有我在你身边的日子
会不会 曾经有过别的女人
我会不想吗?

而我 刚刚用六到十二个月去忘了你
准备接受一段新恋情了
你说我还敢去接受你吗?

你要么 就现在要了我
要么 就永远失去我
就这么简单

抑或是 你已作了最坏打算
没了我也无所谓
就算我现在那么的想和你过一辈子

我是真的爱你

早知道我就把你看紧点
不让你从身边溜走

那么 我就不必害怕
失去你

为了你 跟所有男人
保持一段 距离
是为了什么?
只为了 让你放心
原来 你已经不信我了

到头来 一场空 吗?

Just for you

Its the beginning of the end..
Its the start of the last month of 2013..
What is your wish?
I can do LOA - Law of Attraction, for you..
Like the appt u wanna have in a week, case closed, case size..
Also, to have a strong mind.
To be healthy.

我爱你 多于 爱自己

就快到年尾了
我怎么就一点也感觉不到
那愉快的气氛
我的心 完全的被偷走了

你要我 爱自己多一些
要知道 心都在你那儿
怎么爱自己?
爱你就是爱自己了啊~~
不懂吗?

你说过
下一个恋人
你不会 让她承受这样的痛
可以是我吗?

如果我下一个
又是这样对我呢?
我又再承受 多一次的痛呢?
为什么不能再爱我了?

我有多么的 害怕
你会和她 在一起
虽然我不断告诉自己
一定要 祝你幸福

你不知道
当我提起
她喜欢你时
你的嘴角是往上扬了 一下下

我似乎 看到了 你的心
我会是错的吗?
我很希望 我看错了
我很希望
你仍然 爱着我
我很希望 我们能一辈子
不管怎样
都能相亲相爱

如果当不成你的爱人
当你女儿
可以吗?

下辈子

刚才写到一半的post
因为你的一通电话没了
那是不怎么正面的 感受
呵呵呵
是不是意味着什么啊?
把不好的 都给拿掉了

我爱你 宝贝
永远 永远
这一辈子
没人能替代

如果这一辈子
不能 成夫妻
那么 但愿下一辈子
能续前缘

=D

最后的甜蜜

星期三那天，我感觉到你始终还是没办法相信我们的永远。
我知道该放弃了~
只想在离开前 没有遗憾
所以我做了个小小要求

我的最终决定，好好跟你过这两个星期，然后永远的离开。
我不会让你知道我的痛
我只想留下最美好的回忆

你说的每一句话都刺痛我的心
“我对你的感觉 越来越少”
“你是你妈的孩子 可我呢？一辈子耶”
“你输不起的窝”
“我没办法原谅你当时对我做的一切”
“我和她没什么共同点 但追求的东西很相似”
“你可以尊重我吗？”

今早 你的不确定
更让我心死
在付出了 这么多后
痛了这么多之后
我知道 一定要对自己好一些了

我在人前笑得越灿烂
躲在房里就哭得越凶
心就是更加的痛

或许吧
女人越是大方
男人就越是内疚
我该恨你吧
可我真的恨不下去
伤害你的时候 自己的心也不好受

Christy Chew, 你说你痛吗？
你懂不懂这件事情上，最痛的那个是我？
伤害最深的那个是我啊？
看到你的 自艾自怜
我真的 很想 一巴掌打下去
然后再说
“女人 这痛是你自找的
怎么 你还可以一味的继续在示爱啊？”

但只要你对我说 “对不起”
我还是会 原谅你
可在我骂醒你后

宝贝 我还是看到你的成功
你知道吗？
那是不远的将来…

我的心事

有时候真不知该说自己是太聪明还是笨
怎么可以爱一个人 爱得这么的凶
即使知道了 所有的一切

那时的你 也是这样吧?
那么的深爱着我
那时的我 事情发生后
你解释了 给我听
让我懂得 为何我会这样做

你说 是因为在一起久了
所以想寻求刺激
我的那三个字 "没感觉"
伤了你很久很久吧

你知道吗?
那时候的我 做错了
在你离开后的那一段日子
我还记得 每天
我的心 都痛得我无法承受
就跟现在一样

一些话 说了就收不回 对不?
所以我学会了不去听你说的话
而是去听一个人的心
在跟回你在一起之后 我的心完全是你的
我是很幸福的
不信吗?
看回我们 去Bali旅行的照片你就懂了

只是我也懂 
要收回那心 真的不容易
我收回来了 完完全全的

那时候的你 想跟我结婚
而我这个 不懂事的 小不点
却坏了你的大事

现在的我也很想 跟你组织家庭
你却不想了
有时候 真的由不得我们吧?
一切都是天注定

我现在真的很讨厌
那一个出来扰乱我心的人
如果你不出现
那我就不用 眼睁睁的看着友人
都结婚生孩子了
而我却不知还得等到什么时候

我知道 你觉得这会是永远的一根刺
可我是这么觉得 这是人生必经过程
真正过去了 就不会再犯了

又是我太天真了吗?

你要我想清楚
其实 在这件事还没发生前
我早就 打定终生了
就连年头 想为我们未来
而作的打算 都放弃了
反正有粥吃粥 有饭吃饭
只要开心就好

只是作为一个男人背后的女人
总不能 这样对他的男人 说啊
要说了 那就不再是
背后的女人了 而是纵容的女人了

就好像 妈妈对小孩那样
很多时候 妈妈不是有意要为难小孩
而是有些事 得惩罚的 不能免
要不 小孩是会被宠坏的

我不是 有意要为难你
同样的 你必需去承担 你的过错

我们复合后 你感觉不到我的改变
是必然的
我虽然决定了 不计较你的一切
接受了你

但没了爱 又怎么可能会开心呢?
所以 我成了怨妇
怨妇 是不开心的 只会抱怨的
那么我问你 你有可能 看得到一个怨妇的好吗?
如果不能 那你又怎么 可能会看到我的改变呢?

黄良婞 你真的好傻呀!

好男人 坏男人？

男人 你其实很自私
你所谓的对人好 也不过是想让人看到 “你的好”
如果 你真是为人好
那就干脆点

真正地对人好 是设身处地为人着想
这意味着 你真正考虑到你的行为有何后果
你自认为的好 到底是不是真正的好
还是 你只想让人看到
“你是好人？”

曾经的我 是带着无法相信自己被玩弄了感情离开的
只是 我最后发现
真要让自己解脱
然后真心的 对待身边的男人
就一定要清楚的知道
那一个来破坏我感情的男人
是坏男人 是不怀好意的

我 选择了要保护自己身边的这个

犹记 今年的七月
我们分开了
我辞职了
在office待迟了点
剩下我 他 还有另外一位同事
他觉得 我辞职了
还待这么迟 真是不可理喻
拍了我的照片 想post上网
我不管有没有其他人在
狠心的丢下一句
"Please. Don't. At least it's not from you."
因为我想到 你看到了
是会心痛的
怎知 原来你怀里已经抱着另一个了

我还在傻傻的保护着你

Just like the Queen piece in Chess

自己篇

夜半三更,  不禁会想起一些事来
我在想着自己的脑袋是什么个构造
完完全全想着的是为别人的好
也难怪 曾经有人说我很假
因为我太好

上一次的恋爱
同样的是被感情介入
而且还是自己的朋友
知道了 她很内疚
我曾经想要 告诉她说
"我没事了"
希望她不会难受太久
最后 也只是让友人带话
因为 担心她不知怎么面对自己

上一次 自己做错了
曾经有想过去跟他女朋友道歉
因为我真的错了
只是 没被揭穿的事
让我这么一搞
那肯定完蛋了吧
所以 当然不做个白痴傻子啦

做错了一定要认的
还这么的理直气壮
真让人费解

有个朋友问我
你 曾不曾 跟朋友翻脸过?
我想了一会儿
有一个 那是因为她不懂得爱惜自己
一错再错
我很生气

以前 年纪还小时
有啦 就常常不管三七二十一的
把心里话说出来
太直接了
朋友吓傻了
我也慢慢 学会
不是每个人都能接受 实话

妈子 最害怕就我不懂得 保护自己
可我觉得 跌倒是成长的必经之路
拼了命的 闪躲
最终 你只会发现你不懂得怎么再爬起来

要做我的男人
先决条件
你一定要能在我全力保护了他人之后
看到了我的脆弱
然后极力地护着我 爱我
让我再有能力 去继续帮助人
因为这就是我

又上了人生一大课

Felt so much better after releasing all the pain, "Gah!"
Kinda can't really recall what is what already, guess I am done ranting so far.

I do not hold grudge as the Hate will destroy me.

I don't deny my feelings for you, but somehow the scenes of you being with her - it just can't be wiped off just like that. I became very paranoid now, less when I could feel you being truthful.
Hope that Ms Paranoidism would leave soon.

Maybe I have always been 'acting' strong in front of you, but things you said to me many a times serves as reminder to me. And all these little reminders have grown me to be a better person. 

You have done things that have hurt her, and me too. You are trying to help in whatever way to lessen the pain, for the both of us. If you really wanted to help - the best way is to keep a clear distance, and not offering help any more. Being a female, I know exactly how a lady would think if a person that she likes offered assistance during bad moments. And, if you are the one offering the help, it will be difficult for her to move on. Saying this because other guys will have no chance to come in, you have been there always. There - in the heart.

I believe in you, since Day 1 I know you.
Many others do, the only thing you have to do is to open up and take them in.

It is not easy to grow strong, it is easy to be weak.
But being strong is like ecstasy, once taste it, never wanna let it go.

Nevertheless, I will always remember not to be strong by crushing down another person.

If you really care for a person so much, keep the person with you because that is the only way you could make sure she will not get hurt any more.

Another day passing by..

Thank you for the chocolate you bought for me

And thanks for relating it so well with me

I will think of you whenever I see 

the special Butterfinger chocolate

The Colorful Spiral Candy

I will link it with positive thoughts and leave it there like that

So that every time when I saw it, I will have happy thoughts

At the moment, when I look at it

I feel HAPPY

Will add more to it every now and then

I love it when you laugh, like yesterday.

I'm glad that I could make you laugh like that, though I showed some not so happy face.

Continuing to laugh more =D

Went MidValley today, got my favourite Boost Juice before leaving

I told mom I love it very much <3

And we emailed to ask about the franchise price before, thought of having one booth like that because I love it very much. But too expensive, so she said "Got chance one, nowadays do business not necessarily need to come out with capital de.."

Yes, there is always chance as long as we still believe..

People cross path for a reason, and I believe we crossed path for the better us.

Like now, I care less.. 

挂在嘴边的常常是 “不用紧啦…”

Freeing myself from many many things..

Feeling much lighter about life.

The last piece about us

I don't know where should I start...

You are the one who always say this to me "You are smarter than me"
Ya, and I truly believe in it - and become real big-headed.
We are not far apart, if not we won't come to this far.
If I am really smarter than you, and I chose a dumber you - then what makes me?
A dumb dumb who chooses another dumb dumb?

It is dumb enough to say that I still do love you ain't it?
After all you have done..
And when saying it, I felt the biggest pain ever.
The only way I could convince myself to get out of this,
is to tell myself that "It is okay to lose Kevin Saw"

Seeing you because I wanna know if you are still contacting her..
And the fact I found, hurts me still..
I don't have to look through your phone to know if you still do, I know when I look into you.
Knowing you and being by your side for almost 5 years, I know who you are.
Does it matter who you are seeing?
Yes, it does.
The only reason why it matters is that "I still have feelings for you.."

I still do trust you, because I know when you are lying.

Yeah, I almost forgotten all the things I have done unconsciously
If the support and love doesn't work to make you a stronger person, perhaps pain do.
I have pushed you to limits, poked you everywhere I could
At the same time, I also wanted to know what would a man who loves the woman so much would do if things are bad at all times.
You could have chose to focus at work, but yet you chose otherwise.
And I chose to trust that you have focus at work.
I need to give space to a Man who wants to work for the better us.

You do not love me as much as you think you did.
Because if you do, you would do whatever it is for the better us.
You know what I wanted all these while.. a better version of you.
Because if you do, you would know the limit for the excitement you seeking.
Because if you do, you would know what would hurt your love ones most.
You cannot protect everyone who matters in your heart, because when you do so, you are hurting everyone instead.

It still hurts me when you say
"She has got nothing to do with us, our problem exist way before it happens.."
Because you really don't know the pain I have gone through that this happen after I decided to be with you for life, when you have nothing yet now.
That I let go of everything - my dreams, my goals, just want to be with you.
Because if she doesn't exist, I would be a happier person after I decided to be with you for life, the person you share everything with would be me and not her..
and you could've felt the love I have given.
You wouldn't need to know and think what I want because whatever the another person receiving is exactly what I wanted..
You have just not look into my heart anymore.

The reason why I have never confronted because I chose to trust you
I have trust you more than myself
And I know how much troubles I have given you, through the eyes you look at me
And trust is the last thing I could have for you
Will you even be honest with me if I confronted you?
You wouldn't, just like what happened last week.
You will not give me chance to save you out of it.
Because when you thought you are protecting me, you are actually hurting me the most when you did so.
Man is silly to think that a Woman who really love can't take this..

When you said I would have already be with him if he doesn't have a girl friend
I can assure you, "I will not.."
I know who is the person I wanted to be with, he has much lesser qualities than you do.

Every pain a person go through teaches one to be stronger.
I could see you getting stronger already, and I am happy for you.
I have given you the support, and be there for you always.
I too, have tried alternatives to build you stronger.
I remember there was once I told you, I have fear too doing so much of this - of pushing you to the limits. Because...
"I am afraid that I am building a better man for another lady"
I think my thought has come true again.

All others doesn't matter anymore now..
I just want you to remember one thing:
Be in control of your emotions
When you are in control of your emotions, 
You are in better control of your life
When you have better control of your life, 
You will have greater confidence that you always wanted
Have a direction and be focus to walk yourself towards it

Positivity ROCKS!

Just got home, done shower, having oatmeal for dinner.
Had an appointment at Midvalley earlier until 8pm, then went Daiso walk walk..
I thought to myself, actually not that bad being all by myself. Anyway, I have been on my own for quite many years. Now, its just back to basic.
And thanks to you too.. The love that seems to be absent for past few months, serves like an adaptation period. Having a responsible bf, that doesn't provide love and care, is just the same as living on my own.

Mummy thought that I am Sage when I explained everything so calmly to her..
I could be real rational at times and I just don't wanna cry so many times in front of her, I want her to know I could handle my own matters. So normally, when I'm having my bad days, it often happened in my room, locked up, only with my pillow.

She wanted to leave me home alone that day, and I asked
"Mummy, won't you be afraid leaving me home alone?"
She answered "I always know that my daughter would be just fine"
Awww.... Felt so much love for the trust she has for me <3
The only thing she worried, is that I don't know how to protect myself.
Being too blunt and straightforward.
Telling everyone my weaknesses, giving others the opportunity to attack me.
But hey, I have done it, I gotta have the courage the take it.
Even if it is for a life time.

Things doesn't happen just like that, I don't blame anyone. Its just that putting myself into the situation is giving me so much pain, I have got no choice but to pull myself out of it. Remembering only the good memories between us, the positive bit keeps me intact.
I will not keep hope, I will not look back, I am gonna live in the present. Trying my very best to fill in all the empty time, so that I won't have time to think about the things I found - the moments between you and her, your cold reaction you have towards me, those matter that would tear me apart.

Mummy knows the one thing I couldn't accept most is "You Lied" and yet you can still be so.. So unbelievably angry and frustrated. And she asked "If he admitted at the very beginning, would you give him chance?" I said "Yes, but definitely not immediately."

People grow when they go through painful moments, but during this time.. One shall never blame others, then only you would learn and be better the next time. Having said that, do not dwell in the negativity too much.
Gotta move on, and moving on means "Be Happy and Positive" to attract the good things!

There was once a friend told me,
"Joyce, one thing I realized about you, you are a very positive person"
I ponder upon very long, because this is not what I got from the person closest to me. Come to think of it now, "Hell yes, I am a plus plus positive person!"

This is what I am gonna do, I am gonna focus on the things I wanted to get. I truly believe in Law of Attraction, just watch the movie again last Friday. The desire and feelings matter most. And..I always get what I wanted to have. I will do the charm again. Hehe^.^

Been looking back my previous blogs created past few years, realized there are so much of a negativity. Trying to relate what has happened then that has caused me to pen those painful memories down. I used to penned down only happy, and cheerful moments. Remember I told myself that I will not jot down the painful moments..

Anyways, at least I remember it for now. That's good enough =)

Alright, done with myself.


Now, I want you to promise me one thing.
To move on with your life too.. 
Immerse yourself in positiveness, attract the things you want!
Laugh as loud as you could! =D 
And don't ever do things that would hurt yourself anymore.

You gotta promise me that you will live on really good, best ever!

我会暂时的成熟

Woke up very early today.. Before 6?
Pretty awake, so went downstairs to pen down my thoughts..
I know it is gonna take time, but it will over.

After lunch, we do housekeeping together, except for Dad.
Was pretty amaze of how much I can do, turning all the impossible into possible.
Leading the whole family..
"I can fix things.."
I told myself..

Threw away a lot of the unnecessary stuff..
The house is more organized now.
My room remain the same, will do it tomorrow..


I ask God to give me someone who deserve my love better yesterday..
And this is what I got today.. I laughed.
guess HE heard me, just that line is breaking-lah.

Can't seem to be able to look at those really sweet couple or Video, like this one..

I will tear, because it reminds me of us..

Didn't know I can be this tough until it hits me..

一个女人遇到一个好男人

一辈子都不需要成熟

当一个女人越来越成熟越来越坚强

就证明她并没遇到一个好男人

“我想遇到一个让我一辈子都不需要成熟的人”

Sometimes I wonder why I have such a big heart

The anger has hold me strong, but when it was gone..pain come forth.

I know

You have given her everything you could..you talk to her like how you have treated me..
Breakfast, lunch, dinner..
Love and care..

I don't want to know the truth anymore..its painful. Yet, I know everything.
You affirmed with her that she is important..
You said you miss her..
Telling her wherever you go..
Waited for her msges..
And you felt hurt when she treated you cold..

You've totally forgotten bout my existence.

You forgot that I felt extremely hurt too when you treated me cold.
My heart tears apart when you turn your back on me after we had an argument.
I don't have a place in your heart anymore.

I have wondered, I cannot believe that you would turn so cold.

It is not you, and I chose to believe that it was me who have hurt you so deeply.

Because I trusted you.

Now only I know that it was because there is a replacement already.

所以你变得那么绝情

You compared between both of us.
And you felt that she is giving you more, I don't worth love your love anymore.
Our past does not matter.

And you lied..have I told you, you can't lie too?

You had sex with her more than once..after many times of kisses.
You took initiative too.
You are going after her.

Kevin Saw, you are the one who told me that "She is married leh.."
Oh my god!
How could you be so dumb?
Taken by a married lady?

"Don't eat and shit at the same place?"

Bull shit! You ate your own words.

“要做就不要让人懂？”

One can never hide if he has done it.

Hence why I would never do something that I will regret for life.

Hence why I know when to stop.

Some people don't feel a thing, but..

I know it will haunt me for life, for who I am.

Why can't you just tell me the truth, at the very beginning?

You dragged me down by doing what you deem fit as a boyfriend, without love and care.

I don't need a responsible boyfriend, that the heart doesn't belong to me.

If you have say it out then, you would know better even no one have gave you the answer or tell you what to do, you will still know what to do.
Because after you say it, be it anyone, you will be so ashamed of yourself.
My final advice for you:

Be brave and courageous to face the truth.

Accept what you have done, go through the pain.

Be stronger.

I should be angry.. but I choose not to hurt myself.
I'm just heartbroken.

Why only wait until you lose me then only you realize that she's actually a replacement of me?
That you actually love me the most..and that you fall for her because she's like me?

Sometimes I hate it that I know everything..my intuition is that strong.

God loves me so much that HE knows I deserve a better person.

I need somebody to pull me out of this..
Dear god, could you give me someone who deserve my love better..?

penned on 26th October 2013 6.53am

绝望

或许如果当初你肯承认，就不会搞到今天如斯田地

我觉得 你真的很傻
真的爱她
为何不能等到我们之间撇清了关系 才与她发展呢？
为什么 你要这样毁掉自己的人生？

身边 几乎没有一个人
相信你会做这样的事
你在大家眼中 是大好男人
我不曾说过你的一句不是
我总是 跟大家说你有多么的好

我告诉了 妈咪所有一切
包括 我的那一段 不见得光的过去
第一句话 是被责备
我的确有错 我认了
而却 妈说 我没资格说人
因为 我的的确确 是错了

老实说 我错过
但至少 我认了
而却 我没说一句谎话
也没有隐瞒 至少我是坦荡的
更重要的是 我知道自己错了 也阻止悲剧延伸

At least I know when to put the stop
而你 却让自己越陷越深了

Do you still remember I said I keep a distance between me and him
I don't talk to him anymore
the reason of me doing so is that
We are human being, and feelings are many a times the most uncontrollable matter in us
The only thing we could control is our action

妈咪说 你真的是个很不错的男人
没办法想像 你会这么做
真的啦~~
要搞 到外面去搞啊
为什么 要这么的滥
自己的女朋友 还睡着的床
竟然 让别个女人 睡了

最让我痛心的 不是你不爱我了
而是 你这样的伤害自己
而却 你也不断的伤害我
批评我的不是
甚至我的家人 朋友

当你不断否认 有其他人的存在时
甚至 还试图把责任 推到我身上
你已经彻底地 失去了
我对你 那最基本的尊重

可是呢 人的Survivor Instinct
是会先保护自己的
我 是笨的那个
把自己完全曝露
让人 有机会伤害自己

套你常说的那一句

所有的一切
都没有所谓的对和错

我 祝福你们
爱她的 别让她受伤了
一定要做好自己本分

真正结束 才能重新开始

昨晚的我 是哭着睡去的
真的 哭的很凶 很痛
几乎整个晚上吧
连洗澡时 都在抽泣

今天 起来时
想起昨晚 还是觉得很痛
但随着时间 一点一滴 地
发觉到 自己 好像痛完了

也开始领悟到 何以你会没了感觉
我 被你拒绝了三次吧？
但是 其实不管几次
在感情里 被人推开
很自然的 人的心也会关闭起来
为了 不再受伤害
想想自己 伤害了你这么多次
你 也受了不少的苦
我知道 这不是一句"Sorry.." 或 “对不起..” 就可以被抹掉的
你 大概也是这样没了感觉的吧？

公司的人都很好
长大以来 第一次 我可以这么自然的 做回我自己

原来 做回自己 可以这么的快乐
公司里的人 给了我很多的正能量
让我 不再那么执著

我 放开了
体会到 感情真的不能强求
知道 我们俩的爱情真的没了
把感情拉回来
第一次 把 Kevin Saw 与 Friend 画上等号

这么久 以来
从我认识你到现在
常常 就想引你注意
最后 我成功了
也当了 你的宝贝
得到了 很多很多的爱

只不过 因为自己的不懂事 和 任性
我错过了 一个可遇不可求的好男人

不会再哭了 因为接受了

我的下一个男人
我 会找一个 想你那样
温柔体贴 心思细腻 的人
这会是我设立的第一条件

Dear.. 请容许我再这么叫你
习惯了 难改口呢
谢谢你这一路的陪伴
谢谢你让我成长 让我懂得
两个人 在一起是该怎么相处
才能长长久久

我们俩的故事 虽然成了回忆
但会是我这一辈子 永远的美丽记忆

接下来的路 就让它去飘吧~

If ever we got the chance to be back together
we will have to be build it from scratch
from zero... from nothing...
because, the building we have built so far
is no longer safe to stay..
The residents have all ran away, leaving the "LOVE" building only an empty shelf.
Tomato and Pumpkin, all has run to another building, namely "FAMILY" and "FRIEND"

Thank you..
After I took a step back, all out of a sudden many things that you told me seem to make perfect sense.
Ok fine, you could say the one statement you like most "See, I told you"

Somehow, I could still see the day of you succeed in life.
I never meant to say it to pressure you, I swear to God.
I say it because I truly believe in it.
I have vision it.

Happy birthday week!

Good day baby!

So wanted to send you a morning greeting msg.
The small little voice tell me to "Hold it. Hold it. He will need the space."

Wish you great week ahead.
Focus at work!

If you are determine to do something for yourself, go for it.
Don't hold back, don't get distracted.

Feel the love surrounding you..
Feel the positiveness!

With much love, DarlinJ

Psst: this is how I look like today. First time wearing it after bought two months. Like it!

Congratulations on winning the match!

Good job baby!
on winning the racing match.
I'm sure you enjoyed the race very much =)
Yes yes, it is the process that matter most.

You are capable to reach your goal, I am pretty sure of this.
The PERSEVERANCE..
The STRENGTH.. you have it in you.

You have unbelievable power to change whatever you want
I have faith in you.

这样的你和我

在我以为终于风平浪静的时候
我 亲手把它给毁了
因为太在意
在意没了爱的感情
明知道他对自己没办法再像以往那样再爱自己
是自己一手造成的

懂得 要挽回
是需要更努力一点 的
可就是忍不住又发飚了


其实在回在一起的这两个月
不是完全没有被爱 的感觉 的
还记得 有一个晚上
跟莉梅吃了晚餐
回到你家
我生气 因为你说要出来了
我等了很久 却等不到你
然后 接着又有外劳 经过
甚至还站我车在外面 小便
我吓坏了
接着你哄了 我一下
硬抱着我
我真觉得很窝心
接着我们便一起去夜市了
纵使我觉得累
但因为有你疼
我便不觉得累了
我是个 很需要爱 的家伙

若我说不痛 那一定是骗你的
人前 就拼死了 假装不痛咯
然后就自己一个人 在房里痛得要生不死的

可是已经没什么可以做的了
我尝试放弃过
可是到最后 还是跑回头
理智让我放手 情感告诉我 回头

你 没有一次 是曾经回头过的
其实 我早就该 看清
你已经没办法爱我了
而却 每一次回头
你的爱 又再更少一些

我懂 你是被我折腾得
累了
不想 爱了


怀念的 是那一段
快乐的曾经
回不去的曾经


可笑的是
不知为何 虽是放弃了
但心里头还有着 一股坚持
还总是 觉得 这不是我们的终极站

又是因为 我太单纯 了吗？
或许吧~~

在学习 爱 中

我知道我伤了的是一个男人的尊严
两个字

强势

总是想赢的心，不但伤了他也伤了自己
懂得你何以不再付出
在我终于做了 要跟你一辈子的决定时
我已经失去了 你对我的信任

现在的我 能做的 只有 放手
给你多一些的 空间

我捉得 太紧了 太害怕失去

放松了 反而得到更多

13 Oct 2013 - Receiving ur mail...

I really thought we could pull this through..

Trying hard not to let the tears flow and not to feel.. but the tears seem to be under involuntary control. It just continuously flow, even when I was brushing my teeth.

Its a life cycle process right..
Its the right decision.

Trust that its the best thing to do now.

Then I ll feel better.

The day in Midvalley, before Hokkaido dinner

真的要做错了很多很多，所以才会这样吧~

很想把它一次过哭完出来。
会想，你真的不爱我了吗？

是因为我们要的不一样吗？
就算我说，就算我什么都不要了，你也不要我了吗？

我，是应该坚决的。
可我真的做不来。。

Late rebel?

Am still having a lil mood swings but dam the feeling now is definitely much better.
Got angry really f*king easily lately, ya, will try to get that off. Thinking back, I really have not had any rebellious age before.
It seems to appealed to me really late eh.

Oh well, gotta learn to live again.

Live lightly, but have a serious life!

10 things that would move you forward

Miss You..

Wanted to talk~~ =))

Rebirth of a new LOVE

Finally, we are finally OVER with it..
Oh thank god~~
Thank you dear for loving me again.
I am sorry...truly, genuinely.

It was hurtful/painful when you said you have got no feelings, but I don't believe. What I know is that I have hurt you much, and you would close your heart, or rather frozen it so that there will be no pain?

I have confidence that I can love you far beyond what I have done, no, I wouldn't even compare - it was a shame; but I have no confidence to win your heart back. It was a 50/50 chance. I am afraid that I would lose you forever. Yes, you could use the 'Evidence' you have in hand against me in future, if ever I went berserk again. Not to say that I will, I am at a pretty high awareness level now but JUST IN CASE.
Didn't want you to be hurt anymore..

Baby, I would want to work things out with you. Lets talk more peacefully, we are gonna talk things out. We do have many things that we gotta sort out. Just like what I've said this afternoon, I know you don't like Rules and Regulations, however it is necessary.
First, we will identify both our strength, and when it comes to a situation where we know the other person could control better, we will have to let another person to lead the conversation.

Sure Sure, Sure Unsure, Unsure Sure huh.. New code we developed on the first day.
I love talking with you. Yeah, I did.

Signing off already..
Tired..

Power of Gratitude

The piece of article stick at the side of my table, been there but not practising..
Use to be one, left it out from my heart one point of my young life.
Patching back~~

PEACE OF MIND

If you were to ask your neighbor, "What would give you peace of mind?"

He might tell you, 'A vacation in Bermuda!' or 'An extra hundred grand would give me peace@', or 'A new Ferrari would make me content!'

NBut going places - and getting stuff - is usually a temporary solution...
Peace of mind rarely comes from getting more stuff. Getting more stuff usually leads to wanting even more stuff!

Peace of mind starts with being grateful what we have right now.

GRATITUDE is POWER

When we are thankful for what we have - for the friends we have, and for the things we've got, we attract more good people and good things!
People who always complain about what they DON'T HAVE, stay stuck.
Complainers attract more things to complain about!
It is a law of life. It's hard to explain, but you can observe it around you.
We get more of what we dwell upon.

That's why all the spiritual masters have taught the same lesson...
'Start by being thankful. Be happy with what you have now, and more will come your way.'

It's practical advice.

Every time you say a silent 'Thank you' you become more peaceful - and have more power.