And I ponder upon, why did I stopped writing..
The part of my life that keep myself in sane.
..to spurt out what lingers around in my mind
..to organize so that it's in order
..to keep moving forward while stopping to look at self and say
"Hmmm.. What have I done today?"
I always said this "One will only fall sick if the mind weak"
Half true, because we would still be affected by what we eat and what we have done.
Try to put yourself under the sun for like 2 hours, "Still refreshing?"
I have been falling sick lately, like seriously - one after another.
My mind ain't strong enough, and I really hate being in such situation.
Like that..
So, I just have gotta sort it out bits by bits..
1. Work
Shitty - not moving anywhere. Promotion no news yet, and I can see myself going down again. Chasing too many things at one go. Money and Power at the same time, while juggling all the relationships with others. I almost forgot "Why the hell am I there the very first place?"
Lost, very lost. Hate that sort of feelings. And I kept asking myself "Where did all the certainty in me has gone to..?" It was unanswered. To be honest, I have not done my work properly. I have not put in my 100%. I see some of my friends who could take it lightly, and work half-heartedly, I tried to tune down a little. Just to find myself not this kind of person. So, back to FULL POWER mode again.
I'd rather burn myself out because of working too hard than to be LOST.
2. Personal Matter
Just realized I have been relying on others for my very own happiness, and why am I doing so ya? It is so silly. No one single person is responsible for our own happiness but ourselves.
Never depend on anyone else for your own happiness.
If anyone is to be hold responsible, that is YOU!
3. Relationships with others
Definitely not doing well, the brain is not quick enough. I seem not able to communicate, don't know what to expect and what to react. How to work well being in such situation when my main job role is to talk?
My analysis told me that "It has been too long I have not got any input but to keep giving". There has been no one there to hear me out, I have been on my own for so long. Reading could be one of the way out. But the root has always been "Joyce, come out from the shell already.. you are gonna die even faster because you can't even see the danger coming upon you while hiding the shell that you thought is safe!"
Being vulnerable is first step to be able to LOVE again.
That's about it at the moment, three is good enough.
It is very funny because I am doing self-coach.
Well, as long as it works!
-Love life-
