The last piece about us

I don't know where should I start...

You are the one who always say this to me "You are smarter than me"
Ya, and I truly believe in it - and become real big-headed.
We are not far apart, if not we won't come to this far.
If I am really smarter than you, and I chose a dumber you - then what makes me?
A dumb dumb who chooses another dumb dumb?

It is dumb enough to say that I still do love you ain't it?
After all you have done..
And when saying it, I felt the biggest pain ever.
The only way I could convince myself to get out of this,
is to tell myself that "It is okay to lose Kevin Saw"

Seeing you because I wanna know if you are still contacting her..
And the fact I found, hurts me still..
I don't have to look through your phone to know if you still do, I know when I look into you.
Knowing you and being by your side for almost 5 years, I know who you are.
Does it matter who you are seeing?
Yes, it does.
The only reason why it matters is that "I still have feelings for you.."

I still do trust you, because I know when you are lying.

Yeah, I almost forgotten all the things I have done unconsciously
If the support and love doesn't work to make you a stronger person, perhaps pain do.
I have pushed you to limits, poked you everywhere I could
At the same time, I also wanted to know what would a man who loves the woman so much would do if things are bad at all times.
You could have chose to focus at work, but yet you chose otherwise.
And I chose to trust that you have focus at work.
I need to give space to a Man who wants to work for the better us.

You do not love me as much as you think you did.
Because if you do, you would do whatever it is for the better us.
You know what I wanted all these while.. a better version of you.
Because if you do, you would know the limit for the excitement you seeking.
Because if you do, you would know what would hurt your love ones most.
You cannot protect everyone who matters in your heart, because when you do so, you are hurting everyone instead.

It still hurts me when you say
"She has got nothing to do with us, our problem exist way before it happens.."
Because you really don't know the pain I have gone through that this happen after I decided to be with you for life, when you have nothing yet now.
That I let go of everything - my dreams, my goals, just want to be with you.
Because if she doesn't exist, I would be a happier person after I decided to be with you for life, the person you share everything with would be me and not her..
and you could've felt the love I have given.
You wouldn't need to know and think what I want because whatever the another person receiving is exactly what I wanted..
You have just not look into my heart anymore.

The reason why I have never confronted because I chose to trust you
I have trust you more than myself
And I know how much troubles I have given you, through the eyes you look at me
And trust is the last thing I could have for you
Will you even be honest with me if I confronted you?
You wouldn't, just like what happened last week.
You will not give me chance to save you out of it.
Because when you thought you are protecting me, you are actually hurting me the most when you did so.
Man is silly to think that a Woman who really love can't take this..

When you said I would have already be with him if he doesn't have a girl friend
I can assure you, "I will not.."
I know who is the person I wanted to be with, he has much lesser qualities than you do.

Every pain a person go through teaches one to be stronger.
I could see you getting stronger already, and I am happy for you.
I have given you the support, and be there for you always.
I too, have tried alternatives to build you stronger.
I remember there was once I told you, I have fear too doing so much of this - of pushing you to the limits. Because...
"I am afraid that I am building a better man for another lady"
I think my thought has come true again.

All others doesn't matter anymore now..
I just want you to remember one thing:
Be in control of your emotions
When you are in control of your emotions, 
You are in better control of your life
When you have better control of your life, 
You will have greater confidence that you always wanted
Have a direction and be focus to walk yourself towards it