The last few days

The whole morning the experience of you not loving me anymore but dragging me along for the past half a year is painful.. I wonder why I did not call it a stop yesterday.

The images of you being nice to her keep floating in my mind. This morning, the stupid mind is telling me that Kevin Saw bought the Durian Mooncake not only for myself but for her too..

I feel like smacking myself very very badly.

I didn't want to stop.

Somehow, I still can't help but want to have you in my life. 

You seem to be able to calm me.

You asked me to divert my attention to some other things.

You called me, and I released my fear with tears.

I am trying my very best to keep her out of our life - at least of mine.

I wanted to question you so much, but I did not.

Why did you start it?

Why wanna destroy my days with dear?

I want to just trust him with what he says..
Why you come disturb?

Dear questioned me yesterday, I didn't want to tell.
What you want me to tell?
Will you even trust me?
You both are still gonna see each other for like..the rest of your life. And if I tell, will it affect his emotions in the office?
And, what if she is pregnant and you both will meet, not only in the office but at home too.
I will keep it this time. Keeping it for his good.
Not that I haven't done that before.
Maybe it was me who think too much again, maybe it won't affect him at all.
As it is not gonna bother him anymore if I got hurt or not.
Life still goes on even I was hurt right.
It serves me right, for has done it wrong.
He doesn't have to live my life.

I don't want anything else now, but just to spend the last few days with dear.

HAPPILY *fingers crossed

Please, GOD, just grant me this wish.
It is a simple ones right?