最后的甜蜜

星期三那天，我感觉到你始终还是没办法相信我们的永远。
我知道该放弃了~
只想在离开前 没有遗憾
所以我做了个小小要求

我的最终决定，好好跟你过这两个星期，然后永远的离开。
我不会让你知道我的痛
我只想留下最美好的回忆

你说的每一句话都刺痛我的心
“我对你的感觉 越来越少”
“你是你妈的孩子 可我呢？一辈子耶”
“你输不起的窝”
“我没办法原谅你当时对我做的一切”
“我和她没什么共同点 但追求的东西很相似”
“你可以尊重我吗？”

今早 你的不确定
更让我心死
在付出了 这么多后
痛了这么多之后
我知道 一定要对自己好一些了

我在人前笑得越灿烂
躲在房里就哭得越凶
心就是更加的痛

或许吧
女人越是大方
男人就越是内疚
我该恨你吧
可我真的恨不下去
伤害你的时候 自己的心也不好受

Christy Chew, 你说你痛吗？
你懂不懂这件事情上，最痛的那个是我？
伤害最深的那个是我啊？
看到你的 自艾自怜
我真的 很想 一巴掌打下去
然后再说
“女人 这痛是你自找的
怎么 你还可以一味的继续在示爱啊？”

但只要你对我说 “对不起”
我还是会 原谅你
可在我骂醒你后

宝贝 我还是看到你的成功
你知道吗？
那是不远的将来…

我的心事

有时候真不知该说自己是太聪明还是笨
怎么可以爱一个人 爱得这么的凶
即使知道了 所有的一切

那时的你 也是这样吧?
那么的深爱着我
那时的我 事情发生后
你解释了 给我听
让我懂得 为何我会这样做

你说 是因为在一起久了
所以想寻求刺激
我的那三个字 "没感觉"
伤了你很久很久吧

你知道吗?
那时候的我 做错了
在你离开后的那一段日子
我还记得 每天
我的心 都痛得我无法承受
就跟现在一样

一些话 说了就收不回 对不?
所以我学会了不去听你说的话
而是去听一个人的心
在跟回你在一起之后 我的心完全是你的
我是很幸福的
不信吗?
看回我们 去Bali旅行的照片你就懂了

只是我也懂 
要收回那心 真的不容易
我收回来了 完完全全的

那时候的你 想跟我结婚
而我这个 不懂事的 小不点
却坏了你的大事

现在的我也很想 跟你组织家庭
你却不想了
有时候 真的由不得我们吧?
一切都是天注定

我现在真的很讨厌
那一个出来扰乱我心的人
如果你不出现
那我就不用 眼睁睁的看着友人
都结婚生孩子了
而我却不知还得等到什么时候

我知道 你觉得这会是永远的一根刺
可我是这么觉得 这是人生必经过程
真正过去了 就不会再犯了

又是我太天真了吗?

你要我想清楚
其实 在这件事还没发生前
我早就 打定终生了
就连年头 想为我们未来
而作的打算 都放弃了
反正有粥吃粥 有饭吃饭
只要开心就好

只是作为一个男人背后的女人
总不能 这样对他的男人 说啊
要说了 那就不再是
背后的女人了 而是纵容的女人了

就好像 妈妈对小孩那样
很多时候 妈妈不是有意要为难小孩
而是有些事 得惩罚的 不能免
要不 小孩是会被宠坏的

我不是 有意要为难你
同样的 你必需去承担 你的过错

我们复合后 你感觉不到我的改变
是必然的
我虽然决定了 不计较你的一切
接受了你

但没了爱 又怎么可能会开心呢?
所以 我成了怨妇
怨妇 是不开心的 只会抱怨的
那么我问你 你有可能 看得到一个怨妇的好吗?
如果不能 那你又怎么 可能会看到我的改变呢?

黄良婞 你真的好傻呀!

好男人 坏男人？

男人 你其实很自私
你所谓的对人好 也不过是想让人看到 “你的好”
如果 你真是为人好
那就干脆点

真正地对人好 是设身处地为人着想
这意味着 你真正考虑到你的行为有何后果
你自认为的好 到底是不是真正的好
还是 你只想让人看到
“你是好人？”

曾经的我 是带着无法相信自己被玩弄了感情离开的
只是 我最后发现
真要让自己解脱
然后真心的 对待身边的男人
就一定要清楚的知道
那一个来破坏我感情的男人
是坏男人 是不怀好意的

我 选择了要保护自己身边的这个

犹记 今年的七月
我们分开了
我辞职了
在office待迟了点
剩下我 他 还有另外一位同事
他觉得 我辞职了
还待这么迟 真是不可理喻
拍了我的照片 想post上网
我不管有没有其他人在
狠心的丢下一句
"Please. Don't. At least it's not from you."
因为我想到 你看到了
是会心痛的
怎知 原来你怀里已经抱着另一个了

我还在傻傻的保护着你

Just like the Queen piece in Chess

自己篇

夜半三更,  不禁会想起一些事来
我在想着自己的脑袋是什么个构造
完完全全想着的是为别人的好
也难怪 曾经有人说我很假
因为我太好

上一次的恋爱
同样的是被感情介入
而且还是自己的朋友
知道了 她很内疚
我曾经想要 告诉她说
"我没事了"
希望她不会难受太久
最后 也只是让友人带话
因为 担心她不知怎么面对自己

上一次 自己做错了
曾经有想过去跟他女朋友道歉
因为我真的错了
只是 没被揭穿的事
让我这么一搞
那肯定完蛋了吧
所以 当然不做个白痴傻子啦

做错了一定要认的
还这么的理直气壮
真让人费解

有个朋友问我
你 曾不曾 跟朋友翻脸过?
我想了一会儿
有一个 那是因为她不懂得爱惜自己
一错再错
我很生气

以前 年纪还小时
有啦 就常常不管三七二十一的
把心里话说出来
太直接了
朋友吓傻了
我也慢慢 学会
不是每个人都能接受 实话

妈子 最害怕就我不懂得 保护自己
可我觉得 跌倒是成长的必经之路
拼了命的 闪躲
最终 你只会发现你不懂得怎么再爬起来

要做我的男人
先决条件
你一定要能在我全力保护了他人之后
看到了我的脆弱
然后极力地护着我 爱我
让我再有能力 去继续帮助人
因为这就是我

又上了人生一大课

Felt so much better after releasing all the pain, "Gah!"
Kinda can't really recall what is what already, guess I am done ranting so far.

I do not hold grudge as the Hate will destroy me.

I don't deny my feelings for you, but somehow the scenes of you being with her - it just can't be wiped off just like that. I became very paranoid now, less when I could feel you being truthful.
Hope that Ms Paranoidism would leave soon.

Maybe I have always been 'acting' strong in front of you, but things you said to me many a times serves as reminder to me. And all these little reminders have grown me to be a better person. 

You have done things that have hurt her, and me too. You are trying to help in whatever way to lessen the pain, for the both of us. If you really wanted to help - the best way is to keep a clear distance, and not offering help any more. Being a female, I know exactly how a lady would think if a person that she likes offered assistance during bad moments. And, if you are the one offering the help, it will be difficult for her to move on. Saying this because other guys will have no chance to come in, you have been there always. There - in the heart.

I believe in you, since Day 1 I know you.
Many others do, the only thing you have to do is to open up and take them in.

It is not easy to grow strong, it is easy to be weak.
But being strong is like ecstasy, once taste it, never wanna let it go.

Nevertheless, I will always remember not to be strong by crushing down another person.

If you really care for a person so much, keep the person with you because that is the only way you could make sure she will not get hurt any more.

Another day passing by..

Thank you for the chocolate you bought for me

And thanks for relating it so well with me

I will think of you whenever I see 

the special Butterfinger chocolate

The Colorful Spiral Candy

I will link it with positive thoughts and leave it there like that

So that every time when I saw it, I will have happy thoughts

At the moment, when I look at it

I feel HAPPY

Will add more to it every now and then

I love it when you laugh, like yesterday.

I'm glad that I could make you laugh like that, though I showed some not so happy face.

Continuing to laugh more =D

Went MidValley today, got my favourite Boost Juice before leaving

I told mom I love it very much <3

And we emailed to ask about the franchise price before, thought of having one booth like that because I love it very much. But too expensive, so she said "Got chance one, nowadays do business not necessarily need to come out with capital de.."

Yes, there is always chance as long as we still believe..

People cross path for a reason, and I believe we crossed path for the better us.

Like now, I care less.. 

挂在嘴边的常常是 “不用紧啦…”

Freeing myself from many many things..

Feeling much lighter about life.

The last piece about us

I don't know where should I start...

You are the one who always say this to me "You are smarter than me"
Ya, and I truly believe in it - and become real big-headed.
We are not far apart, if not we won't come to this far.
If I am really smarter than you, and I chose a dumber you - then what makes me?
A dumb dumb who chooses another dumb dumb?

It is dumb enough to say that I still do love you ain't it?
After all you have done..
And when saying it, I felt the biggest pain ever.
The only way I could convince myself to get out of this,
is to tell myself that "It is okay to lose Kevin Saw"

Seeing you because I wanna know if you are still contacting her..
And the fact I found, hurts me still..
I don't have to look through your phone to know if you still do, I know when I look into you.
Knowing you and being by your side for almost 5 years, I know who you are.
Does it matter who you are seeing?
Yes, it does.
The only reason why it matters is that "I still have feelings for you.."

I still do trust you, because I know when you are lying.

Yeah, I almost forgotten all the things I have done unconsciously
If the support and love doesn't work to make you a stronger person, perhaps pain do.
I have pushed you to limits, poked you everywhere I could
At the same time, I also wanted to know what would a man who loves the woman so much would do if things are bad at all times.
You could have chose to focus at work, but yet you chose otherwise.
And I chose to trust that you have focus at work.
I need to give space to a Man who wants to work for the better us.

You do not love me as much as you think you did.
Because if you do, you would do whatever it is for the better us.
You know what I wanted all these while.. a better version of you.
Because if you do, you would know the limit for the excitement you seeking.
Because if you do, you would know what would hurt your love ones most.
You cannot protect everyone who matters in your heart, because when you do so, you are hurting everyone instead.

It still hurts me when you say
"She has got nothing to do with us, our problem exist way before it happens.."
Because you really don't know the pain I have gone through that this happen after I decided to be with you for life, when you have nothing yet now.
That I let go of everything - my dreams, my goals, just want to be with you.
Because if she doesn't exist, I would be a happier person after I decided to be with you for life, the person you share everything with would be me and not her..
and you could've felt the love I have given.
You wouldn't need to know and think what I want because whatever the another person receiving is exactly what I wanted..
You have just not look into my heart anymore.

The reason why I have never confronted because I chose to trust you
I have trust you more than myself
And I know how much troubles I have given you, through the eyes you look at me
And trust is the last thing I could have for you
Will you even be honest with me if I confronted you?
You wouldn't, just like what happened last week.
You will not give me chance to save you out of it.
Because when you thought you are protecting me, you are actually hurting me the most when you did so.
Man is silly to think that a Woman who really love can't take this..

When you said I would have already be with him if he doesn't have a girl friend
I can assure you, "I will not.."
I know who is the person I wanted to be with, he has much lesser qualities than you do.

Every pain a person go through teaches one to be stronger.
I could see you getting stronger already, and I am happy for you.
I have given you the support, and be there for you always.
I too, have tried alternatives to build you stronger.
I remember there was once I told you, I have fear too doing so much of this - of pushing you to the limits. Because...
"I am afraid that I am building a better man for another lady"
I think my thought has come true again.

All others doesn't matter anymore now..
I just want you to remember one thing:
Be in control of your emotions
When you are in control of your emotions, 
You are in better control of your life
When you have better control of your life, 
You will have greater confidence that you always wanted
Have a direction and be focus to walk yourself towards it