Positivity ROCKS!

Just got home, done shower, having oatmeal for dinner.
Had an appointment at Midvalley earlier until 8pm, then went Daiso walk walk..
I thought to myself, actually not that bad being all by myself. Anyway, I have been on my own for quite many years. Now, its just back to basic.
And thanks to you too.. The love that seems to be absent for past few months, serves like an adaptation period. Having a responsible bf, that doesn't provide love and care, is just the same as living on my own.

Mummy thought that I am Sage when I explained everything so calmly to her..
I could be real rational at times and I just don't wanna cry so many times in front of her, I want her to know I could handle my own matters. So normally, when I'm having my bad days, it often happened in my room, locked up, only with my pillow.

She wanted to leave me home alone that day, and I asked
"Mummy, won't you be afraid leaving me home alone?"
She answered "I always know that my daughter would be just fine"
Awww.... Felt so much love for the trust she has for me <3
The only thing she worried, is that I don't know how to protect myself.
Being too blunt and straightforward.
Telling everyone my weaknesses, giving others the opportunity to attack me.
But hey, I have done it, I gotta have the courage the take it.
Even if it is for a life time.

Things doesn't happen just like that, I don't blame anyone. Its just that putting myself into the situation is giving me so much pain, I have got no choice but to pull myself out of it. Remembering only the good memories between us, the positive bit keeps me intact.
I will not keep hope, I will not look back, I am gonna live in the present. Trying my very best to fill in all the empty time, so that I won't have time to think about the things I found - the moments between you and her, your cold reaction you have towards me, those matter that would tear me apart.

Mummy knows the one thing I couldn't accept most is "You Lied" and yet you can still be so.. So unbelievably angry and frustrated. And she asked "If he admitted at the very beginning, would you give him chance?" I said "Yes, but definitely not immediately."

People grow when they go through painful moments, but during this time.. One shall never blame others, then only you would learn and be better the next time. Having said that, do not dwell in the negativity too much.
Gotta move on, and moving on means "Be Happy and Positive" to attract the good things!

There was once a friend told me,
"Joyce, one thing I realized about you, you are a very positive person"
I ponder upon very long, because this is not what I got from the person closest to me. Come to think of it now, "Hell yes, I am a plus plus positive person!"

This is what I am gonna do, I am gonna focus on the things I wanted to get. I truly believe in Law of Attraction, just watch the movie again last Friday. The desire and feelings matter most. And..I always get what I wanted to have. I will do the charm again. Hehe^.^

Been looking back my previous blogs created past few years, realized there are so much of a negativity. Trying to relate what has happened then that has caused me to pen those painful memories down. I used to penned down only happy, and cheerful moments. Remember I told myself that I will not jot down the painful moments..

Anyways, at least I remember it for now. That's good enough =)

Alright, done with myself.


Now, I want you to promise me one thing.
To move on with your life too.. 
Immerse yourself in positiveness, attract the things you want!
Laugh as loud as you could! =D 
And don't ever do things that would hurt yourself anymore.

You gotta promise me that you will live on really good, best ever!

我会暂时的成熟

Woke up very early today.. Before 6?
Pretty awake, so went downstairs to pen down my thoughts..
I know it is gonna take time, but it will over.

After lunch, we do housekeeping together, except for Dad.
Was pretty amaze of how much I can do, turning all the impossible into possible.
Leading the whole family..
"I can fix things.."
I told myself..

Threw away a lot of the unnecessary stuff..
The house is more organized now.
My room remain the same, will do it tomorrow..


I ask God to give me someone who deserve my love better yesterday..
And this is what I got today.. I laughed.
guess HE heard me, just that line is breaking-lah.

Can't seem to be able to look at those really sweet couple or Video, like this one..

I will tear, because it reminds me of us..

Didn't know I can be this tough until it hits me..

一个女人遇到一个好男人

一辈子都不需要成熟

当一个女人越来越成熟越来越坚强

就证明她并没遇到一个好男人

“我想遇到一个让我一辈子都不需要成熟的人”

Sometimes I wonder why I have such a big heart

The anger has hold me strong, but when it was gone..pain come forth.

I know

You have given her everything you could..you talk to her like how you have treated me..
Breakfast, lunch, dinner..
Love and care..

I don't want to know the truth anymore..its painful. Yet, I know everything.
You affirmed with her that she is important..
You said you miss her..
Telling her wherever you go..
Waited for her msges..
And you felt hurt when she treated you cold..

You've totally forgotten bout my existence.

You forgot that I felt extremely hurt too when you treated me cold.
My heart tears apart when you turn your back on me after we had an argument.
I don't have a place in your heart anymore.

I have wondered, I cannot believe that you would turn so cold.

It is not you, and I chose to believe that it was me who have hurt you so deeply.

Because I trusted you.

Now only I know that it was because there is a replacement already.

所以你变得那么绝情

You compared between both of us.
And you felt that she is giving you more, I don't worth love your love anymore.
Our past does not matter.

And you lied..have I told you, you can't lie too?

You had sex with her more than once..after many times of kisses.
You took initiative too.
You are going after her.

Kevin Saw, you are the one who told me that "She is married leh.."
Oh my god!
How could you be so dumb?
Taken by a married lady?

"Don't eat and shit at the same place?"

Bull shit! You ate your own words.

“要做就不要让人懂？”

One can never hide if he has done it.

Hence why I would never do something that I will regret for life.

Hence why I know when to stop.

Some people don't feel a thing, but..

I know it will haunt me for life, for who I am.

Why can't you just tell me the truth, at the very beginning?

You dragged me down by doing what you deem fit as a boyfriend, without love and care.

I don't need a responsible boyfriend, that the heart doesn't belong to me.

If you have say it out then, you would know better even no one have gave you the answer or tell you what to do, you will still know what to do.
Because after you say it, be it anyone, you will be so ashamed of yourself.
My final advice for you:

Be brave and courageous to face the truth.

Accept what you have done, go through the pain.

Be stronger.

I should be angry.. but I choose not to hurt myself.
I'm just heartbroken.

Why only wait until you lose me then only you realize that she's actually a replacement of me?
That you actually love me the most..and that you fall for her because she's like me?

Sometimes I hate it that I know everything..my intuition is that strong.

God loves me so much that HE knows I deserve a better person.

I need somebody to pull me out of this..
Dear god, could you give me someone who deserve my love better..?

penned on 26th October 2013 6.53am

绝望

或许如果当初你肯承认，就不会搞到今天如斯田地

我觉得 你真的很傻
真的爱她
为何不能等到我们之间撇清了关系 才与她发展呢？
为什么 你要这样毁掉自己的人生？

身边 几乎没有一个人
相信你会做这样的事
你在大家眼中 是大好男人
我不曾说过你的一句不是
我总是 跟大家说你有多么的好

我告诉了 妈咪所有一切
包括 我的那一段 不见得光的过去
第一句话 是被责备
我的确有错 我认了
而却 妈说 我没资格说人
因为 我的的确确 是错了

老实说 我错过
但至少 我认了
而却 我没说一句谎话
也没有隐瞒 至少我是坦荡的
更重要的是 我知道自己错了 也阻止悲剧延伸

At least I know when to put the stop
而你 却让自己越陷越深了

Do you still remember I said I keep a distance between me and him
I don't talk to him anymore
the reason of me doing so is that
We are human being, and feelings are many a times the most uncontrollable matter in us
The only thing we could control is our action

妈咪说 你真的是个很不错的男人
没办法想像 你会这么做
真的啦~~
要搞 到外面去搞啊
为什么 要这么的滥
自己的女朋友 还睡着的床
竟然 让别个女人 睡了

最让我痛心的 不是你不爱我了
而是 你这样的伤害自己
而却 你也不断的伤害我
批评我的不是
甚至我的家人 朋友

当你不断否认 有其他人的存在时
甚至 还试图把责任 推到我身上
你已经彻底地 失去了
我对你 那最基本的尊重

可是呢 人的Survivor Instinct
是会先保护自己的
我 是笨的那个
把自己完全曝露
让人 有机会伤害自己

套你常说的那一句

所有的一切
都没有所谓的对和错

我 祝福你们
爱她的 别让她受伤了
一定要做好自己本分

真正结束 才能重新开始

昨晚的我 是哭着睡去的
真的 哭的很凶 很痛
几乎整个晚上吧
连洗澡时 都在抽泣

今天 起来时
想起昨晚 还是觉得很痛
但随着时间 一点一滴 地
发觉到 自己 好像痛完了

也开始领悟到 何以你会没了感觉
我 被你拒绝了三次吧？
但是 其实不管几次
在感情里 被人推开
很自然的 人的心也会关闭起来
为了 不再受伤害
想想自己 伤害了你这么多次
你 也受了不少的苦
我知道 这不是一句"Sorry.." 或 “对不起..” 就可以被抹掉的
你 大概也是这样没了感觉的吧？

公司的人都很好
长大以来 第一次 我可以这么自然的 做回我自己

原来 做回自己 可以这么的快乐
公司里的人 给了我很多的正能量
让我 不再那么执著

我 放开了
体会到 感情真的不能强求
知道 我们俩的爱情真的没了
把感情拉回来
第一次 把 Kevin Saw 与 Friend 画上等号

这么久 以来
从我认识你到现在
常常 就想引你注意
最后 我成功了
也当了 你的宝贝
得到了 很多很多的爱

只不过 因为自己的不懂事 和 任性
我错过了 一个可遇不可求的好男人

不会再哭了 因为接受了

我的下一个男人
我 会找一个 想你那样
温柔体贴 心思细腻 的人
这会是我设立的第一条件

Dear.. 请容许我再这么叫你
习惯了 难改口呢
谢谢你这一路的陪伴
谢谢你让我成长 让我懂得
两个人 在一起是该怎么相处
才能长长久久

我们俩的故事 虽然成了回忆
但会是我这一辈子 永远的美丽记忆

接下来的路 就让它去飘吧~

If ever we got the chance to be back together
we will have to be build it from scratch
from zero... from nothing...
because, the building we have built so far
is no longer safe to stay..
The residents have all ran away, leaving the "LOVE" building only an empty shelf.
Tomato and Pumpkin, all has run to another building, namely "FAMILY" and "FRIEND"

Thank you..
After I took a step back, all out of a sudden many things that you told me seem to make perfect sense.
Ok fine, you could say the one statement you like most "See, I told you"

Somehow, I could still see the day of you succeed in life.
I never meant to say it to pressure you, I swear to God.
I say it because I truly believe in it.
I have vision it.

Happy birthday week!

Good day baby!

So wanted to send you a morning greeting msg.
The small little voice tell me to "Hold it. Hold it. He will need the space."

Wish you great week ahead.
Focus at work!

If you are determine to do something for yourself, go for it.
Don't hold back, don't get distracted.

Feel the love surrounding you..
Feel the positiveness!

With much love, DarlinJ

Psst: this is how I look like today. First time wearing it after bought two months. Like it!

Congratulations on winning the match!

Good job baby!
on winning the racing match.
I'm sure you enjoyed the race very much =)
Yes yes, it is the process that matter most.

You are capable to reach your goal, I am pretty sure of this.
The PERSEVERANCE..
The STRENGTH.. you have it in you.

You have unbelievable power to change whatever you want
I have faith in you.

这样的你和我

在我以为终于风平浪静的时候
我 亲手把它给毁了
因为太在意
在意没了爱的感情
明知道他对自己没办法再像以往那样再爱自己
是自己一手造成的

懂得 要挽回
是需要更努力一点 的
可就是忍不住又发飚了


其实在回在一起的这两个月
不是完全没有被爱 的感觉 的
还记得 有一个晚上
跟莉梅吃了晚餐
回到你家
我生气 因为你说要出来了
我等了很久 却等不到你
然后 接着又有外劳 经过
甚至还站我车在外面 小便
我吓坏了
接着你哄了 我一下
硬抱着我
我真觉得很窝心
接着我们便一起去夜市了
纵使我觉得累
但因为有你疼
我便不觉得累了
我是个 很需要爱 的家伙

若我说不痛 那一定是骗你的
人前 就拼死了 假装不痛咯
然后就自己一个人 在房里痛得要生不死的

可是已经没什么可以做的了
我尝试放弃过
可是到最后 还是跑回头
理智让我放手 情感告诉我 回头

你 没有一次 是曾经回头过的
其实 我早就该 看清
你已经没办法爱我了
而却 每一次回头
你的爱 又再更少一些

我懂 你是被我折腾得
累了
不想 爱了


怀念的 是那一段
快乐的曾经
回不去的曾经


可笑的是
不知为何 虽是放弃了
但心里头还有着 一股坚持
还总是 觉得 这不是我们的终极站

又是因为 我太单纯 了吗？
或许吧~~

在学习 爱 中

我知道我伤了的是一个男人的尊严
两个字

强势

总是想赢的心，不但伤了他也伤了自己
懂得你何以不再付出
在我终于做了 要跟你一辈子的决定时
我已经失去了 你对我的信任

现在的我 能做的 只有 放手
给你多一些的 空间

我捉得 太紧了 太害怕失去

放松了 反而得到更多

13 Oct 2013 - Receiving ur mail...

I really thought we could pull this through..

Trying hard not to let the tears flow and not to feel.. but the tears seem to be under involuntary control. It just continuously flow, even when I was brushing my teeth.

Its a life cycle process right..
Its the right decision.

Trust that its the best thing to do now.

Then I ll feel better.