Love?

You know what?
I still think i am not ready for it..
To be in a relationship.
I have been highly insecure, the feelings are not good.
I am with you
But I'm not sure if I love you
I guess i have not open up my heart
I'm afraid I never will

I don fall for any guys anymore
It is a clear line to all guys out there that "We are just only friends"
I have been forever doubtful of myself
But this time, I'm quite sure no one single man could capture my heart anymore.
Not even the one i used to love
That is now a stranger

I am having multiple mood swings
I could be laughing to myself at one moment, the next i can be crying.

I know I should let go.. its just not meant for me.
I'm happier spending time being single.
Read it right, its not about spending time being alone, its being single.

I felt myself being a burden to anyone, anyone at all that be with me.. I could not provide but only to demand.
You have been tolerating so much..
Its not your problem but mine to manage.. to be honest, I am sorry to have put you through all these.

Thank you so much for loving me.. but i seriously think I'm sucks at it, to love someone that is not my friends or family.

Work back into direction *peace*

I have trust issues
I have anger management issues
I have a heart who is always looking for excitements that bring joy and happiness

I am a greedy little gurl
Who has desire of never enough
When boredom hits me
It results in
the constantly behavioural-change me

Who knows what i want?
No one does
Not even myself

Perhaps it is my mom who understands me so well that she knows exactly when to throw the piece of advice when i am in the bad me.. knocking me out of the trashed me.

Journaling keeps me going
By talking to myself
But it would work only if I write it through positivity

So here it goes
Why did you go back into studies?
To keep myself busy?
Actually its more of to learn rather than spending it without purpose.
Other than learn, i actually wanted to train my discipline.

To be focus and determined!

Go Joyce go!! *arms up*