我就是我

这一趟急忙忙之佩玲出嫁记
旅程虽紧促
但有尝到了郊外人的简单

愕然发现自己变了好多
为了保护自己而围上的层层外衣
用最甜美的笑容
紧紧的包裹着那还微微发疼的心

变得虚伪 自私了

昨天被骂了
他说我很自我
总是只有我说
没他说
没有 我没顾虑他的感受
连对不起 都不想说
有够过分的

现时最好的就是
把它给封起来

原来一年时间
根本不足够来复原

一定要要好好爱自己💕

Deleting Mails

Didn't know clearing all mails could be therapeutic~
DELETED a total of about 15,000 mails today!
Yes, it's FIFTEEN THOUSAND mails~
Not having the (XXXX) next to inbox makes me feel... somewhat relieve...

Deleting mails is like deleting all overdue matters too?
I still have so much more lining up for me to clear, that's just life. The day when you have got nothing to clear is the day where you probably have to say "Bye bye" to the world.


<3 Thank you GOD <3
and thanks for giving me the chance to live life

释放

说不想就不想吗？
有那么容易就好了

浮现于脑袋的 太多了
不写下来
这些烦人的字句
是会把我脑袋给炮轰得装不下别的事

这几天 总是这里写一下
那里写一下的
笔记本啦
电话的memo啦
脸书啦
部落格啦
是只有这部落格的敢开放
因为没多少人懂啊

林先生 我说你啊
怎么说消失 还真的可以消失得无影无踪的呢？
可以这样吗？
Whatsapp竟然可以三天不上线！！

誏欣啊 誏欣 你可有立场开口训人呢？

有些人没勇气表白
因为害怕受到伤害
但不是每个人都懂得
其实拒绝人也会感受同等伤痛

我有多么的不舍 你不会了解
如果知道不适合 那倒不如及早剪断这红线
是谁告诉我 我们不适合
为什么就不能相信我们是匹配的呢？

真的 因为伤过太深
我把恋情这生命中重大的一部分
交给了他人
对自己的任何判断
是完全的不信任

你是很有自信的
相信着自己绝对 可以战胜一切
可你却忘了
我在感情里
还是那么的脆弱
你大概就是算漏了这点吧

结论：让时间飘，等待它到来

后悔 但只能向前走

后悔 后悔死了
可我没能做些什么
只能等待

只伤心了一天
就又继续往前走了
这一次 不回头了
曾经 自己回头过
但那一次 还是个错的
所以 对自己说
怎么都不回头了

到底怎么样的男人才是对的呢?

当时候那个不适合自己的
就坚持到底
誓死不罢休
现在遇到一个大好男人
反而那么的不确定
完全失去自信

真搞不懂自己

无所谓了
其实 还真的蛮享受
这无忧无虑 了无牵挂的
单身生活

Relationship is devastating

And why am I backing off again this time?
Just because of one time bad experience...?

Joyce oh Joyce..
You was never this low confidence before, not believing in it.
Getting the courage to tell a really good guy off your sight. Am not feeling anything right now. And I hope the heartbreak kind of feeling won't haunt me again.

-Relationships are devastating-

讨厌自己篇

受了伤的心灵
到底需要多久才能复原
或许是一个星期
一个月
或是一年
也说不定

有些人可能早已伤痕累累
有些人可能是新伤

能肯定的是
不管伤痕有多深
不及时处理
一定会留疤

而我心头上的那一个疤
每每触及都会让我哭得
像是疤痕被灼伤了般痛

如果 现在有人对我承诺一辈子
我还有勇气用心接受吗?

爱女心切

看到我流泪
是认定 她女儿受罪了
硬要跟我解释

为了你 竟然跟她大吵了一番
都走了
还为你流那么多泪是干嘛？
还因为你跟老妈子 嘶吼

最后 说了这句
“我不想要去计较这么多了
 他都说ok了
 他在让我你懂不懂啊？”

几分钟后 从楼上传来一句
“他真是让你
 干嘛还说那么多伤人的话？”

丢回一句
“他是这样的啦
 在一起这么多年
 还不懂吗？”

是啊 跟你在一起这么多年
流的泪 还真不少
就因为你那刀子嘴

下一个 别再这样了
真疼她 就别让她流泪
忍一忍 想一想
再说出口

-笔末-

I was left tearing in front of my mom..
Oh yes, I look tough. Then only to realized that I am not.

I saw the tears in ur eyes
I wish we don't have to come to this stage

Still wanted to stand by ur side, but will be scolded badly perhaps?
For being dumb, after being hurt so badly and yet still wanted stand on your side.

Reality calls.

I am sorry and thank you.

The two who came from different world

人怎么都会先为自己想吧？

俗称什么来着？ 

自私 ？

呵呵 （傻笑）

是自己太天真

一味的 只会付出

总觉得 大家都跟自己一样

总想为对方好

有那么一点点 受伤

其实 很受伤

但很快的 还是会收拾心情

不允许自己处在 那个伤心地太久

因为 明天还是要过

有时候 我会宁愿

你说出伤我心的话

好比完全不跟我说话

来的好

你要怎么做

就随你吧

你开心就好咯

要做什么 

敢敢去吧

只要你再回头时

需要帮助时

看到 我还杵在这儿

只要你肯问

我都一定会伸出援手

Another Day

These were one of those days
where I allowed myself to sink in thoughts
it is involuntary
Has been working myself up to the extend that I wouldn't have time
to.think

I dare not think about the Love.Hate relationships
so even if there is a right person who came up to me
I wouldn't know how to take the hand
to accept it

It may seem that I still trust easily
but deep down
I just got to see
that I have actually sealed IT up

Sealed what up?
"My Heart"
Am not gonna handover my heart to anyone anymore

Having some bad Separation Anxiety
Nevermind Joyce..
This will soon be over.
Soon..Very soon..
You are a tough girl, ain't you?

害怕
害怕自己对他人的依赖

只要发现有这么样的症状
理智就会立刻涉手控制
慢慢的 把心 好像收风筝般
把它给收回来
决不允许 任何人
再把它给拿走

只因为
它已伤痕累累
已经不起任何伤痛

就算有人承诺
不会再让它受伤又怎么样
我的心 由我自己保管

The silly gal who is always silly

It is almost a month pass our anniversary
I have been living on well
You won't believe I would still cry over it
When I think of us

I chose to believe
You live well without me
I chose to behave
Like it doesn't really bother me
I chose to bury it deep down in my heart
Just because I know we have to move on with our lives
I've also chose to believe
This is the best decision for us

It is gonna be a story to be told
When our hair is grey
With our grandchildren around
That there was this person that I've once love stupidly

It is not for this life time
Maybe..
Maybe we will do it better the next lifetime
Baby..

Life as such

Always, there are so many thoughts flowed through my mind, and I always on the go causes the thought to have just slipped away.

Been pretty stress past 2weeks, but I woke up one morning and suddenly felt "What the heck! Screw it-lah" Whatever it could be, as long I know I've done my very best!

Why put myself through so much pain right?

*Laughing and smiling while facing difficult times..

Stay strong at all times.
=D

心情自疗篇

今天放工后心情有点糟
本来是要去Gym，可却忘了拐弯
到不了原先要去目的地
想着一些事儿

一直被问着同样的问题
失去了耐性
写了篇 语气太硬的话
Send了出去

是有点受不了
他的迟钝咧
也在想着
踏不出那一步的 我不要
熬不住 我频频拒绝的 我也不要

我只不过在等待着
不会放弃我的 那一位
我希望你别放弃
推开你
也只因为 想知道
你还会不会 继续尝试

你的回复 我收到了

你想要个 温柔娴淑的贤妻
而我 想找个能把我征服的男人
虽然清楚知道 我们不适合
但还是不舍得 放掉一个这么优秀的你

又是五月天时间！
需要他们来平复
那沉重的心

拥抱 五月天

了不起！
他们总会有那么一首歌
能代表现下心境

继续前进了！<3

美人难当

通胜说老虎这个月会遇小人吧？
吸口气，放了它。
当作没回事儿
人家嘴巴贱是他的事！

想做美人，真的不容易吧？！
容易招来闲言闲语！
就算我穿得再普通，还是会引来很多目光啊！
又不是我要的！

造作谣言者，我祝你好运！

13th April 2014

A little too excited to sleep early tonite, besides of the little presents received today. Its also because I've got my first ever car towing experience today, close to midnight!    
And I have 3 entertainers to keep my head cool. Haha XD

Though tomorrow is gonna be a long day! Gotta wake up at 5.30am, and head straight to Bangi.

Oh oh, today too I joined an activity named "Hugs for Love". Its an interesting activity to understand a little more of Malaysians. The shy-ness in them while being offered a hug, and some gave me the inspiring happiness within them after hugs. Love it when I hear "God Bless you". People appreciate the good deeds you do, so continue doing! =D

Time to sleep!
*yawn

Ps: Pictures to be uploaded tomorrow.

候选人

之前 拒绝删除了好几个男人
豪爽之际 也让我懂得原来我还蛮有市场价值的

但 对于一个条件很好的男人
我却害怕起来了
以致大剌剌的我
连暧昧的话 都不敢说了
还没准备好要接受一段新恋情

第一次约会 是我的生日
我真的有很紧张
可看到他的害臊
我紧张的心情还真舒缓不少
直觉得 太可爱了吧
怎么还有这么 害臊的男生啊？

然后 慢慢的了解他
并不是个难明白的男生
是好男人 也是个大男人
肚子里满是墨水
总会有想发挥的时候

固执 是天性吧~

不断地对自己说
“不可能”
一来 他家庭背景管教甚严
我这种不喜欢受约束的
恐怕 会被他管制得 透不过气来吧？
我很调皮
绝不是会乱搞男女关系哪种人
可就不是很乖啦！

再来 每次见面啊
就是觉得怪不自然的
因为 他很不自然啊
有想放弃 可却又一直给他机会

爱情让人 变得愚蠢
绝对是正确的
我有时驾车时就会莫名的想起他
然后在想着 所谓的可能不可能
拼了命的 给自己理由
为什么 不可能

他的慢半拍 让我这个什么都要快的人
有些抱怨
心里头 对他的好感啊
因为 他迟迟没有所作为
而灭了个火
可是呢 后来才发现
其实 他并不是无所作为
而是 应验了他那星座的特质
细水长流

他那不经意流露的关怀
给我 很实在的安全感、
他那另类的赞美 让我觉得很真实
“You have a beautiful smile.. A smile to die for.."
没有很直接 但却触碰了我的心
渐渐的 我被他的好吸引住了

可是 我真的正享受着我美好的单身生活啊！
不需要为爱情烦恼 是美妙的
我有我的目标
我的这两年内 并没有安排多一个人的存在
只有 家人和朋友

看来这一次 要打动我
真的不是那么的容易呢~

别惹怒羊羊

明明是睡了的，可被铃声吵醒，非常的不是滋味; 简直有股想打回去破口大骂的感觉！
你，懂不懂你真的很烦; 有时候敏感度简直是零！

我羊羊，是爱恨分明的。
你若不是我同事，我早就懒得离你了！
讨厌讨厌！

Passion and Positivity!

I overworked myself again, pushing myself beyond limit. It's like a pattern already that I would most likely to sleep less than 5 hours a day during my weekends - even more busy than my working days.

This month focus is at work, and business - to build on my career. Less outing, however it seems there are a lot of spillover from last month arrangements. And why do I feel as if my April and May weekends are all taken @@

I spent my weekend for work, willingly and because I wanted to. I'm really surprised how much I have changed. All the passion and positivity, transformed me in total. I am much much confident; I know very clear of my direction; I've got very fast response too.
Also, one thing that worries me is that I could now do quick analysis - logical reasoning that gives support to the statement I say. I'm almost always right, but am I really? So far the predictions are pretty accurate for me.. It's like "I have answer for everything", and this is boring --> a little uncertainties bring excitement!

Gotta gain back the sleep debt!

Nitey nitez!!

爱情篇

若问起现在的爱情观
老实说 我还在摸索着
到底现在的我
会需要多久的时间
才能重新再坠入爱河

两个月前吧 我渴望爱情的降临
很想被人疼着 呵护着
做回我最擅长的
小女人

但不知什么时候
我开始享受单身生活
可以有多点时间 陪陪家人
多点和朋友见面
接触不同阶层的人
看多点人和事
不断地 提升自己

我重新定位
把多年前设立的人生目标
重新企划
删掉了终生伴侣这号人物
也去掉了想要组织的小家庭
我 再一次担起做女儿和大姐的责任
扛起这头家

扛， 谈何容易？

当了傻大姐这么多年
我真的好想继续当下去

女人啊 谁不想找个好归宿
让人照顾好自己？
不需要那么辛苦
拼个丰功伟绩
到时候再看回头，到底我会不会后悔
当初选择了当个强悍的女强人呢？

男人处处皆是，素质好的可是少之又少
前前后后 被我踢出局的男生 还真不少
根本不合格 甭提见面
见面了 不诚恳的 你休想有第二次的机会

“爱情 让人变得愚蠢”
听过吗？
现在的我
清醒得不想踏入那个让人不理智的区域里

成长篇

爱情不是得到就是学到
在疗伤的那三个月里
我让自己没有约束
尽情的去感受与探索
和 勇敢的面对
最真实的自己

让一切归零
我尝到了 最原始的自己
更学会了 怎么善待自己
待人处事方面 不再那么的怕事
对于很多事物 懂得正面思考
因为终于领悟到了
那个听了很多遍的 人生大哲理
“在我们范围内的 就尽我们所能去解决
不在我们范围内的 烦也没用”

从前的我 是个烂好人
因为 害怕不被大家接受
所以总顺着他人
最后苦了自己 受了委屈
也不知该如何为自己解围
结果呢 就躲在房里自己偷偷的哭咯

现在的我 不再躲在房里偷哭
我 做回自己
那个有自信的自己
不再默默接受
那些总爱欺善怕恶的人
现在啊 那还嘴的功力
有时还有点牙尖嘴利呢

与其说自己是被欺负得终于反弹了
我更相信 那是因为
我终于接受了自己

接受了自己
我不再事事挑剔自己做得不够好
不再让自己过分的内疚
允许 自己有犯错的时候
原谅自己 也会有时候不小心
因为过于直率和坦白
而 伤了他人
重要的是 错了就要道歉
然后 学习避免犯下相同错误咯
怕的是 伤了他人却不知道啊

若愚蠢的我 做了些愚蠢的事
请你们来提醒我 好吗？

成熟了，想的也就不一样了

四年前 他问她：“如果有一天我和别人结婚了，你怎么办？”
她说“你敢，弄死你，哈哈”
他搂过她，亲了一下笑着说：“我哪可能娶别人啊”

两年前 他又问：“如果有一天我和别人结婚了，你怎么办？”...
“如果有那天，我一辈子不嫁，一直等你”他搂过她，抱的很紧。

四年后的今天 他又问：“如果有一天我和别人结婚了，你怎么办？”
她坐在他身旁，看着他的眼睛，很平静的说：“找个人嫁了，结婚。”
他说：“你不爱我了？”
“对，你都跟别人结婚了，都不要我了，我还爱你干什么，爱和不爱有区别吗？”

末了，她还说了句：“放心，如果有那一天，我肯定不等你"

时间变了，同一个问题，答案也变了，不是不爱，而是自己长大了……

曾经的我走了，现在的我发现：不是当初爱错了、而是时间变了……
相爱真的没想像中那么简单…不是守着空荡荡的誓言就能够地老天荒……

如果一个人说喜欢你爱你，请等到他对你百般照顾时再相信，
如果他答应带你去的地方，等他订好机票再开心，
如果他说要娶你，等他买好戒指跪在你面前再感动，
如果他说他不能没有你，等他无论多忙都会抽出时间陪在你身旁时再相信，
等他在发现了你消失了以后像发了疯一样的寻找到你之后再热泪盈眶。
如果他说他一辈子都会对你不弃不离，等他在你任何困难危难时都抓着你的手陪你坚强度过时再深信不疑。
感情不是说说而已，因为，我们已经过了耳听爱情的年纪。

突然想起一句话：“任何一个人，失去了另一个人，都会活得一如既往。”

也许，这就是答案

来自星星的你

真的有觉得自己长大了
虽然总还像个大孩子似的
但 眼泪却少了很多

因为最近很红
所以用了 三天时间
泡完 这部剧
《来自星星的你》

真正让我吃惊的
眼浅的我 竟然不哭了
只看到剧中的笑话
所以 看这部剧时
只听到了 我的大笑声

是选择性的 看 和 感觉了吗？
是不想悲伤了吗？

觉得这部剧怎样？
这是我的感言：
美国的外星人 Alien 是来占领地球的
日本的外星人 Ultraman 是来拯救地球的
韩国的外星人 都敏俊 是来泡妞的

Enjoy 吧！

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x18o74o_%E6%9D%A5%E8%87%AA%E6%98%9F%E6%98%9F%E7%9A%84%E4%BD%A0-001_shortfilms

I am just Me

Thankfully I still have this space all to myself..

 

That I can be the "who I really am".
The vulnerable me.
The little me.
The hurt me.
The happy me.
The kiddo me.
The crazy me.

 

No news of you.
I wonder if its ever still inside of you?
I wonder if a person who has done wrong, would understand how hurtful it is.. or its the one who got hurt has to strive to survive?

 

As much as it hurts, I would rather miss someone than hit someone.

 

Tears still drip. Under the beautiful shell of mine.

Say something

After browsing through all the pictures..

The music and lyrics lingers in my mind..

你的一切一切
都与我无关了
我不想 知道
更不需要 知道

不必再时不时的
告诉我
你和你 的 点点滴滴

Hmm.. you finally announced it to your work mates huh..

Ready to take whatever it is already?

Brighten up the day!

And I woke up gloomy.
It is the nightmares again, that gave me chill in the heart.

Breath.. breath with smile.

Happy Valentine's Day

属于马来西亚的电影

新年的第四部电影《一路有你》

超感动，值得珍藏的一部电影
看了再看都不会腻
有着 我最爱说的ROJAK句子
带着我 回到了我最初上学的日子
诉说着 人的一生
一个马来西亚人的故事

打动着 在场每个人的心
笑声 抽泣声 不时响起
我的心 被打动了

这部戏 带给我
幸福的希望

I was being scolded for being too kind and thinking too much of a goodness for others.

Giving is a greater blessing, no?
Or you wanted to say I have been giving too much and gave away my luck too?

Gah, who cares.
As long its something out of a good heart!

Muach muach muach muach muach.

Good nite.

A poem for me

I went did some digging..

And I finally found it.

I am sorry.. I did a shout out for the unbearable pain in the heart.

I wanted to keep it, not to remind you and I anything about us.
And to let it pass.
But I can't, I really can't keep it in anymore.

I need to remind myself about your bad because the images, because the feelings about you are all the good ones.
To remind myself about the bad ones, so that I could pull myself away from wanting you so badly..
..at the times when I am really weak.
Deep down in my heart, do you know what's there?
It's "Dear is doing all this for the best of us, he always knows it best"
Truly believing it.

I am not living in the present. I am living in the past and future that has you in it.
Hence why the pain.
The dots couldn't be connected between the three dimension:
Past, Present, Future

I am better.
God always send me angels when I needed them to be around.
I am, indeed very bless.

And I wish you to be good and well too..

ALY
DarlinJ

Happy Birthday to you..

Happy birthday to a special friend, that changed my life forever..

To keep myself sane, I've got to remind myself of certain things.

That you lied.
1. On 5th Dec, you brought her out for a meal - you denied the fact, and shouted at me over the phone.
2. That night itself, you told me you sleeping soon at 11.30pm but you were on the phone with her more than 2 and a half hours; until almost 4am in the morning.

The next day I knew there was something going on but you just pretend nothing happened.
Thanks to the friend again.

Is Broga Hill fun? Guess the knee got better already..

Joyce Wong, Kevin Saw JUST doesn't love you anymore.

You wish there was a rewind button, I wish I never knew.

There is a big wound in the heart, not healed.
I would rather it to be a Scar.
At least, a Scar is just gonna be ugly but not painful.

Staying late at night

Joyce oh Joyce.. what are you doing late night not sleeping?

Ta-da!

All price tags for bracelets almost done!

ALMOST =)

*pat on back

Time to sleep.. *yawn

Narcissism

I've been real narcissistic lately..

The front

And the sexy back

It isn't difficult at all to test if a person really cares for you..

My SAFETY falls into the utmost important priority if I'm out late..

Words doesn't count, action speaks louder.

And since no one understands what this is, then it went back into my own hand..

Do not come near, I roar!

Thinking me Thinking you

Can I be the one
You think of before sleep
AND
The first one You think of even before you open your eyes in the morning?

Life is love

A friend said, read ur post and it seemed you never regretted it, telling me to wish you happy.
My first response - silently, in my heart.. human being really pick up negativity more easily than the reverse huh..?

Call me naive but I still have faith in you..
"Not to see it from the naked eyes but to feel it with the heart." is what I've always said..

So, how I've felt about it? I felt its quite a positive ones, and I'm really glad.
Here goes my reply to the friend (non-edited):

"There are always lessons learnt in any matter that has happened.. after remorse, what's important is to move on..not to get stuck at one point.
I am glad he could have seen light and hang on to positivity.. I will bless him with my wishes."

Few days back, someone was sharing about her 12 years long relationship with the husband. She said "Now we are more like family - 亲人"
Yes, when time goes by, a pair of lovers transform into family, and both needs to know how to embrace it. I've lose it once, only to know that the moment I want it back - it was already too late...

People changed, love doesn't.
If you have really love a person, you wanted the best for them - irregardless of space and time..

一直以来 对酒精 我都是个很自制的人
第一次 为了你 失去了控制
然后再一次又一次
想让自己醉在 与现实脱离的世界
然后 疯狂的哭泣
希望 能有人救我一把

我是那么的爱你
我就有那么的痛

The Cursed Love

If you are my Kili
then I am your Tauriel

I'm a mummy girl~

Went out with mom today..brought her to makan food she likes. I love hearing her laughters, it calms me down - nothing is more important than that she's happy and carefree.
Being brought up by her, we share many of the same values. Friend asked me to hate, I thought "Nah.. it doesn't work!". Mom asked me to bless.. she sees that we are not suited for each other, though I still think there's hope. She said "Maybe she's the one that is suited for him leh.."

Really, mom knows me best! ♡
Knowing the best way to get me moves on - always always be good to others =)
Never ever put on the blame when you don't even know who the person is.. *wonder wonder

It just struck me when I look at my credit card bill.. this month my cc again comes upto MYR XXXX++, mostly are presents for others. Mom's pressie also almost 500bucks liao, but am happy spending it - for the love ones. Buying things they heart~

But but.. the upcoming bill is gonna kill me!
Laptop is down, repair fee - RM 350
Servicing the car - I think bearing got problem liao. Engine needs some servicing. Gotta crack the mirror too, thank god under insurance coverage. Probably comes up to 1000bucks? I wanna repaint my car too =/
Angpow for the elderly - at least a good 1500.

Joyce Wong, you are one Wealthy Lady! Kena Toto, Lottery - gotta do LOA liao. Haha XD

Back to reality, gotta be more realistic.
Business Ong Ong! Beads of Joy, be good!

Good nite..with much love ♡♥

Another night that I'm still wide awake at odd hours. Hasn't been feeling well since back from Penang, from the initial coughing till bad cough and sore throat..

Have been going on for spontaneity since the night I got drunk.
Doing things following the flow and not the planned. Filling every possible empty slots I have. Yes, keeping myself occupied has definitely keep my mind off a little. Just that, when things fall back to normal, Memories and emotions came flooded my mind again.

Letting it run free flow is just not so 'my-style', still prefer to have it planned. At least I know things I wanna achieve gets to be done, hitting the timeline. Nevertheless the 'letting-it-run-free-flow' gives a different sort of experience.

Speaking of which experience, a friend inspired me to look at life differently, which is to 'experience life'.
All of us have different goals in life. Some may wanna live it like how everyone else does: studies, work, married, getting old, death; some may wanna look at the world rather than to settle down.

To be honest, I actually wish to have a family of my own and to have kids, like NOW. But i guess now is just not the right timing. Always have heard this "Becareful of what you wish for.." gotta make sure I don't attract it the wrong way. Anyhow, if it happens - I would probably don't mind, to have a baby now.

I'm looking at another path for now, to travel around and to look at the world with a different perspective.
Contemplating...

*Dozing off