Breath and Keep Going

Taking a lil time off to write..
I had my some sort of 'dinner' before class yesterday, 2 slices of Massimo bread and soymilk!

There are just lots of things to do, application to Mybrain.. get the Uni Car Sticker, submit my medical report, delayed the delivery of my new bed and mattress.
Seriously, i just cant wait to move out. Its gonna save me so much time..

=with much expectations=

First day back at the University

A little too pack of a schedule..
I surrender.

No time to shit
No time to rest
Just keep going

Today mark the first day at university, taking the evening classes. Yes, gotta admit - i love education.
Happy to meet new friends, really.. knowing a person without too much of a thinking. I hope to just go with the flow at work, unfortunately i can't.
Like you, being a salesperson, have you trained yourself to be a friend to your customers?

Need more time to rest, and less traveling time.
Dream come true very soon!

😍😍😍

闷

我没想投诉
可心里的郁闷却是那么的真实

是观点的不同吗?
怎么就是对他说的话题
提不起劲儿

枯燥乏味
话下不说
对自己的不闻不问
真快吐血了

明明我已显现出不悦
可他那不加予理会的态度

已是数之不尽之次数
我这是该放弃
对他的期盼
让自己委屈求全吗?

Life with excitements!

I ask myself..
"So many life events all out of a sudden, could I take it?"

Life being too mundane bored me to death, I need excitements!

Like this year, its traveling year!
Been traveling so much till I flagged off the white flag.. tiring 😥

In September, all those listed below are gonna happen!

New Job..
Moving house..
Starting on MBA..

And i doubted if I i should take on the job offer initially.. oh well, when it comes, we'll just have to handle ;)

I'm loving my life💕💕

放开

需要学着放开
宝贝说了一大堆
听是听了
也蛮顺耳的
听着听着
竟然困了

也好 最痛苦不过睡不着觉

今天之小故事:
当你在深陷于急沙时
应该冷静应对
过于的慌张 只会让你越陷越深

感觉终于被了解了
一只找不到合适的话
来表达 来让你明白
终于 那一句

"你连自己的女人都不敢爱
你算什么男人啊?
勇气, 那儿去了?"

总算瞬间我真能感觉到你不一样了
可我害怕这是错觉
来得太快 也会瞬间消失

是啊, 一个男人若连自己的女人都没能好好保护, 那还成得了大事吗?

分手100次

他妈真不该这时候看这样的戏码
分手的痛历历在目
痛彻心扉

"原来最糟糕的情况
不是你离开我的时候
而是我不懂得怎么再爱下去.."

是我不懂得爱
也害怕再爱

被撕裂了的心
不可能被缝补得不着痕迹

留在心口上的疤痕
是世界上最痛的伤疤

若说期待有那么一天
心不再痛
泪不再流
那是我太天真了

对不起 我曾经伤过你

我...
不会再勉强自己了~

I AM SORRY

I am not dumb but the things I did are stupid..

It took a person who really love me dearly to tolerate me at that level, those crazy little stuff I did.. being a sassy gf. All those guilt I have after doing, its like committing a crime. He willingly took in all nonsense I did, just because it is me. He could even call me to just let me lash out whatever I have.
Having the need and desire to say sorry to a person who seem didn't want it. And I know - all he wants is for me to love him back, to appreaciate him, and my happiness.

I am blaming him for all my unhappiness..
Yes, come on.. bash on me..
I know.. I know no one is responsible for our own happiness.

Yet, back to the root.
Sorry, not one possible root causes..
1. He isn't what I really wanna have..
2. We started off on a wrong patch of communication..
3. I am just not ready to love yet..

The "I don't know how to love anymore.." keep lingers in my mind.
Really?

I've gotta let off more weights in my heart..

It has been some time...

And I ponder upon, why did I stopped writing..

The part of my life that keep myself in sane.
..to spurt out what lingers around in my mind
..to organize so that it's in order
..to keep moving forward while stopping to look at self and say 
"Hmmm.. What have I done today?"


I always said this "One will only fall sick if the mind weak"
Half true, because we would still be affected by what we eat and what we have done.
Try to put yourself under the sun for like 2 hours, "Still refreshing?" 
I have been falling sick lately, like seriously - one after another.
My mind ain't strong enough, and I really hate being in such situation.
Like that..

So, I just have gotta sort it out bits by bits..

1. Work

Shitty -  not moving anywhere. Promotion no news yet, and I can see myself going down again. Chasing too many things at one go. Money and Power at the same time, while juggling all the relationships with others. I almost forgot "Why the hell am I there the very first place?" 
Lost, very lost. Hate that sort of feelings. And I kept asking myself "Where did all the certainty in me has gone to..?" It was unanswered. To be honest, I have not done my work properly. I have not put in my 100%. I see some of my friends who could take it lightly, and work half-heartedly, I tried to tune down a little. Just to find myself not this kind of person. So, back to FULL POWER mode again.
I'd rather burn myself out because of working too hard than to be LOST.

2. Personal Matter

Just realized I have been relying on others for my very own happiness, and why am I doing so ya? It is so silly. No one single person is responsible for our own happiness but ourselves.

Never depend on anyone else for your own happiness.

If anyone is to be hold responsible, that is YOU!

3. Relationships with others

Definitely not doing well, the brain is not quick enough. I seem not able to communicate, don't know what to expect and what to react. How to work well being in such situation when my main job role is to talk? 

My analysis told me that "It has been too long I have not got any input but to keep giving". There has been no one there to hear me out, I have been on my own for so long. Reading could be one of the way out. But the root has always been "Joyce, come out from the shell already.. you are gonna die even faster because you can't even see the danger coming upon you while hiding the shell that you thought is safe!"

Being vulnerable is first step to be able to LOVE again.

That's about it at the moment, three is good enough. 

It is very funny because I am doing self-coach.

Well, as long as it works!

-Love life-

我就是我

这一趟急忙忙之佩玲出嫁记
旅程虽紧促
但有尝到了郊外人的简单

愕然发现自己变了好多
为了保护自己而围上的层层外衣
用最甜美的笑容
紧紧的包裹着那还微微发疼的心

变得虚伪 自私了

昨天被骂了
他说我很自我
总是只有我说
没他说
没有 我没顾虑他的感受
连对不起 都不想说
有够过分的

现时最好的就是
把它给封起来

原来一年时间
根本不足够来复原

一定要要好好爱自己💕